


These Four Kings: Year Six

by escribo



Series: These Four Kings [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-21
Updated: 2012-09-21
Packaged: 2017-11-14 18:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/518031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escribo/pseuds/escribo





	1. Late September 1976

Regulus moved swiftly and silently down the hall, staying far enough back so that Severus couldn't see or hear him as Severus stalked one of Sirius' friends, his wand drawn. Regulus wasn't even sure why he'd followed in the first place except that since the beginning of the school year there'd been some shift between Gryffindor and Slytherin, something that had to do with his brother and Regulus had to admit it was something more than curiosity that had brought him out tonight. He knew it had been Sirius who had waged this particular conflict, attacking Slytherins with words and curses and fists when he'd lost the first skirmish with their father so horribly. It was war by proxy, Regulus was sure, and, in the end, Regulus knew it would have to be Sirius who paid, and it was too new--too raw--for Regulus to decide yet on which side he would land. 

The older boys in Regulus' House, Rosier, Caradoc, and some of the others, were responding battle for battle, lobbing insults and curses as if it was some great game. Regulus knew this was no game, at least not one that could be won fighting like children on a Quidditch pitch. The thing about pranking Slytherins was that they always knew who was behind the joke and they would always retaliate. It was matter of pride and honor, and Regulus would have thought that Sirius, no matter how far he had fallen, would have understood that much. Still, going directly after his brother or Potter was risky because they were more likely to retaliate with hexes, some of which were really quite creative, one had to give them that at least. Lupin was tricky, too, and not just because he was too clever by half to be caught out. Regulus recognized what most of his acquaintances never could or would. Sirius' protectiveness of Lupin--though it was hardly necessary, Lupin being quite skilled at dueling--meant that Sirius could become outright dangerous if he thought Lupin would be hurt. Regulus tried not to dwell too long on the psychology of that since he could still remember the feeling of Sirius' hand clutching his own when they'd both been boys, and to see it directed at Lupin stirred a strange mix of jealousy and pity--the last because he knew firsthand what would happen when Lupin finally disappointed Sirius.

Regulus shook his head in an attempt to dispel those thoughts, and carefully peered around the corner again. Severus had stopped and stood deep in the shadows, his wand raised. Though Regulus still couldn't see Severus' prey, he knew it must be the stupid one, Regulus could never remember his name, because then one could avoid involving Sirius at all while still striking a blow. Regulus also knew that secondary to Sirius' Seven Years' War against everything Slytherin was Severus' own battle against Potter, and while Regulus didn't know or care if the grudge was real or imagined, he was careful to keep an eye on the situation.

For a long time there was only silence and then a door opened and closed somewhere ahead of them and footsteps--two sets--approaching softly, cautiously. Regulus saw that Severus now stood with his wand held tight in his fist but had lowered it now. The look on his face was eager--greedy--and Regulus couldn't help but to look down the hall, expecting to find Potter alone and vulnerable or perhaps that mudblood girl who had so fascinated Severus for some time. Instead, he was surprised to see Remus, a rat perched on his shoulder and his wand lifted above his head and lit with a _Lumos_ charm so that he was bathed in light. He created a perfect target as he searched the walls, his long fingers searching along the stone. Leaning back against the stone wall, Regulus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to think too hard about what he meant to do, as he withdrew his own wand though he kept it and his hand hidden in the drape of his robes. 

When Regulus stepped around the corner, he was aware of the twin expressions of surprise from both Severus and Remus. Regulus ignored them both as he searched the shadows for whoever had been with Remus but found no one. Severus had drawn himself back, his surprise gone and replaced with a strange fury that he directed at Regulus. Regulus narrowed his eyes as he walked past Severus' hiding place, knowing that there would be time for their confrontation later, and as soon as he had passed, he heard Severus make his retreat.

"Lupin," Regulus said, clutching hard at his wand. 

"Regulus." Remus greeted him cheerfully, his voice light and conversational, as if they often met like this as friends. "I didn't know you had rounds tonight."

"I don't, and neither do you. I didn't know my brother let you off your leash by yourself."

"I'm not generally the one who requires a leash."

There was something in the quirk of Remus' mouth, like he was laughing at Regulus, which made him almost sorry that he had interrupted whatever it was that Severus had planned. "You must be speaking of my brother."

"You did bring him up."

"Yes, well. I did want to speak with you. About him." Regulus tripped over his words, immediately wishing he hadn't spoken. Remus tucked his wand into his sleeve and set the rat on the floor, where it quickly scurried off in the direction from which they had come. He was all attention now, stepping closer to Regulus, and an unexpected memory came to Regulus of the first time they'd met when he'd been scared about leaving home and Remus had been a quiet yet fascinating distraction. He'd never forgotten that he was supposed to hate Remus, he just found it harder to do sometimes. "I know he must have told you about the argument he had with our father."

"Some."

"He's so indiscreet. Then you know it was about you, mostly."

The surprise was back in Remus' face. "He didn't tell me that."

"Really? I assumed. He burnt his hands pulling out that ridiculous Muggle toy from the fire--that must have come from you--and now he's wearing it like some kind of badge. It made me wonder, is all."

"About?"

"You and him."

"Right." Remus stared at Regulus for a long moment, obviously trying to decipher Regulus' intentions and not trusting them in any case. Regulus almost wanted to laugh and tell him that he had no idea, either, what had made him say that, except now Regulus was sure it was the right line of inquiry, though to what end he wasn't sure. 

Remus whispered "right" again and turned to leave but Regulus was quick to block his path. "Wait. I really do want to speak with you."

"Can we do it without insults, I hope?"

"Was I insulting you?"

"I don't know. Were you?" Remus looked down the hall, and sighed heavily before he focused his attention back to Regulus. "Listen, Regulus, this isn't my battle. I'm sure if you have something to say to Sirius--"

"No. He doesn't talk to me anymore. Besides, you can't help but be a part of this, any more than I can. Our sides were chosen for us."

"You always have a choice."

"No. Sirius took all the choices from me."

"He made his own choices. It has nothing to do with you."

"It has everything to do with me." Regulus bit down hard on everything else he wanted to say, already hating the whine that twisted the ended of his words. He worked his mouth, regaining his composure, embarrassed to have lost that much in front of Remus, and swallowed hard. "Never mind that, all right? I wanted to warn him but he's not going to listen to me."

"What kind of warning."

"Just that, he's going to get hurt in all this. In the end." For the second time, Regulus felt flooded with embarrassment, wondering what he was thinking, what he meant to accomplish with this. "I thought maybe you'd care."

"You think I can stop him? He doesn't listen to anyone except maybe James. Maybe you should have this conversation with him."

"I don't need to be his brother to understand the way he looks at you. It's not James who I need to talk to."

"So talk."

Regulus arched his eyebrow, surprised by the confirmation. In truth, he'd been fishing. He'd always assumed that Sirius had only just substituted Remus for the little brother he could no longer abide. "It's true then, you and him. There've always been whispers, of course. I assumed Potter. More his type--pretty and stupid."

"Putting aside the fact that you just called James Potter _pretty_ , do you actually think James is stupid? Don't they teach Slytherins as first years not to underestimate their opponents?"

"He has a bit of cleverness, I suppose. His family has fallen hard, though. A Potter is no longer worthy of being called an opponent."

"Do you actually believe this rubbish?"

"Some of it." Regulus grinned when he saw Remus' lips twitch. "You haven't answered my question."

"I don't think you've actually asked one yet, have you?"

"The question is about you and my brother. Is it true?"

"He has a girlfriend. Surely that hasn't escaped your notice since they've been attached at the lips since the first week of school.

"Oh, yes, well." Regulus waved his hand dismissively, thinking of the Hufflepuff whose name he'd forgotten if he'd ever known. There was something there, Regulus was sure, but he didn't know Remus enough to parse out the stiffening of his shoulders and the abrupt way he lifted his chin. "It's you he's interested in, though, isn't it," Regulus pressed on. "I know him better than you think. Maybe I even know _you_ better than you think."

"I doubt that," Remus answered but he sounded unsure of himself.

"So if this isn't an act--"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I've watched you, too. You're all about secrets and there's nothing Sirius likes better. It's probably what attracted him to you."

"He's not attracted to me, Regulus," Remus said quietly, his cheeks coloring a bit. "We're just friends."

"There's no _just_ in Sirius' relationships, and I'm guessing you wouldn't mind."

"Do you have a point to all this?"

"There will be. I told you, I have a warning. He's created enemies, not just here but outside."

"Death Eaters," Remus whispered and Regulus' eyes widen. Remus stepped closer, his long, cold fingers wrapping tightly around Regulus' wrist, his blunt nails digging into the tender skin. "What do they want with him?"

"Nothing yet, but he's a Black. He'll have to return to the fold at some point. Do you think he'll turn his back on his inheritance?"

"He doesn't care about money."

"You're so naïve. It's not about money. It's about power."

"What is?"

"Everything. We were born to lead--to rule, not be second best to blood traitors and half-breeds."

"So, we're back to rubbish then." Remus dropped Regulus' arm and unconsciously wiped his hand on his robes.

"It's not rubbish. He's my brother, and I care about him, even if he's turned his back on his family. My father says he'll come back," Regulus said, the sound of the words familiar and comforting, a tired refrain but one he holds on to. "It's why he's not been disinherited. He'll come back."

Some sort of light of understanding flashed suddenly in Remus' eyes and Regulus grimaced as the lines of Remus' face settled into a compassion that was completely unfamiliar to Regulus. It took everything he had not to stamp his foot in anger. He understood with a painful, unexpected clarity that it was Remus who truly knew Sirius, and that Sirius was never coming back. Worse, Regulus found that he had always known. 

"I don't want to hear it," he spat out as Remus opened his mouth. His hand curled around his wand, drawing it out.

"Don't want to hear what?"

Regulus jerked his head and took a stumbling step away from Remus, putting as much space between them as he could as James and Sirius came around the corner, their other friend following behind. James clutched a bit of parchment in his hand but Sirius already had his wand drawn and pointed at Regulus.

"Okay, Remus?" James asked, his eyes never leaving Regulus.

"I'm fine. We were just talking."

"Hey, little brother. Out a bit late, aren't you? Lupin will have to take points." Sirius' voice was soft, almost a whisper, his wand steady. Regulus watched as Sirius curled his hand around Remus' shoulder and reeled him in to stand behind Sirius.

"Points from a fellow prefect? Remus and I are on the same side now."

"Unlikely."

"Would you mind lowering your wand? I know you, at least, were taught to have some manners."

James lowered his wand but Sirius didn't and Regulus wasn't surprised. 

"What do you want, Reg?" Sirius asked, moving closer to James so they stood shoulder to shoulder, hiding Remus altogether.

"Unlike you, I don't want anything from him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what you think it means." Regulus watched as something dangerous coiled inside Sirius and his own fingers twitched on his wand. "As Lupin said, we were just talking."

"C'mon, Sirius," Remus whispered, his hand on Sirius' shoulder, dragging him back. For a moment, Sirius didn't move, and only just narrowed his eyes at Regulus, before he shrugged like it didn't matter at all and lowered his wand, the moment passed. Together, Sirius and his friends took a step back, releasing Regulus--dismissing him--and he lowered his own wand, taking several steps back down the hall though he watched the four of them go.

"See, I told you, Lupin," he called out, unable to resist watching his brother's reaction. "I knew I picked the right man for the job."

Remus never looked back though Sirius paused. James tugged once, then again on his arm, whispering something to him, and Sirius nodded as he finally followed his friends. Regulus was left alone, then, to trudge back to the dungeons, his thoughts filled with what had just happened and what was likely to happen once Severus caught up with him. Outside the entrance to the Slytherin common room, Regulus stopped, folded his hand over his forearm and rubbed it absently. In the cold and dark, he found it easier to dismiss the things Remus had said. He had no choices, forced as he was now to take his brother's place and stand on the only side he knew, the one that Sirius now stood firmly against.


	2. October 6, 1976

No matter what Alice said, Lily did not like James Potter. It was just that she had to admit he wasn't quite the ignorant berk she had always assumed him to be, and if she happened to be able to admit (to herself if not to anyone else) that she also found him a tiny bit handsome and really quite funny, that didn't mean she was falling for him or his supposed charms. He was good at Potions and she needed a partner now that she couldn't even talk to Severus without arguing with him. She had asked Remus first, as she had assumed Sirius would pair off with James as they had since first year. Since Peter was apparently not taking it this year, it left Remus on his own (or at least without his usual partner) but then it had become weird--strange--and she found herself agreeing to James and switching seats with an (in her opinion) irrationally angry Sirius and ignoring Severus' glares from across the room.

A month in and she found she enjoyed having James as her partner (in this alone, thank you very much Alice for even planting that idea of _more_ or _different_ ). He actually made an effort to study (not that he generally needed to) rather than flirt, and kept Sirius from fighting with his on-again/off-again girlfriend who would sometimes join them if they all went to the library. She also couldn't help but notice how unspeakably _kind_ James was to Remus, even when teasing him, sometimes mercilessly (until Remus would finally bristle at the attention and threaten to hex James), and she hadn't expected that. What she also noticed (though she really hadn't want to) was that James wasn't the only one who was kind to Remus.

In Lily's opinion, Sirius Black was a misplaced Slytherin and she couldn't imagine how he'd become friends--much less best friends--with James, Remus and Peter. She'd seen him be cruel and cutting, quick to hex and quicker to curse in a fight, and there'd been plenty of those since the start of their sixth year. He was handsome and quite fit (she'd have to be dead not to notice that, and Lily was even sure she'd seen some of ghosts looking at Sirius with fondness) but when she looked at him bits of her mother's advice would float through her head, things like judging books by their covers and beauty being skin deep. She knew his brother, too, and while Regulus (when forced to speak or work with Lily during Prefect meetings) had the same lovely manners as Sirius, he left her with no doubt about how he felt about her and the other Muggle borns at the school. She suspected Sirius felt the same by the way his lip would curl into something resembling a snarl on the rare occasions when she met him without James or Remus there to keep him in line.

That's why she was so surprised when she followed James into the sixth year boys' dorm. They'd gone to retrieve a book on curative potions that James had checked out of the library weeks ago, which Lily wanted for a special study she was doing for Professor Slughorn. The room was dark and overly warm, the curtains drawn over the large windows and a fire burning low in the stove. As her eyes adjusted (and no, she was not watching as James kneeled beside his trunk and then stretched to search beneath his bed) she realized that she and James were not alone. Sirius lay stretched out on a bed wearing only his dress trousers, the book he was reading balanced in one hand as his other arm curled protectively (and really there was no other word for it) around Remus, who was asleep (she was sure he was asleep) with his head resting on Sirius' (bare) chest and his hand clutching at Sirius' (bare) waist.

She tried not to look once she realized what she was seeing but James, who obviously couldn't find the book amongst his own possessions, looked over to where Sirius lay and Lily followed.

"Sirius," James whispered. "Do know where the Kline book of potions is? Did you have it last?"

Sirius lowered his book, his eyes flickering over Lily who stood still and quiet in the middle of the room, before he answered, his voice a low rumble. "I don't know. It might be in my trunk."

James crossed the room to Sirius' trunk (so they were on Remus' bed, Lily thought, even as she tried not to--she had expected his space to be neater, when she thought of it (which was never!)) and kneeled to raise the lid and shift through the contents. 

"It's not here," James whispered before carefully lowering the lid. He went then to what must be Peter's side and looked on his table, beneath the bed, and then rooted through Peter's trunk, huffing when he didn't find the book. He walked back over to Lily and stood next to her, his hands on his hips as he tapped his finger on his chin, looking around the room.

"It's okay, Potter." Lily had to stretch up onto her toes to whisper it into his ear, her hand light on his shoulder, loathe to disturb the other boys. "You can give it to me later."

James smiled down at her, his grin crooked and his hazel eyes shining even in the dim light of the room (not that she was the least bit thrown off balance just by that), and shook his head. He looked back to Sirius, who was reading his book again and ignoring them, and Lily tried not to follow his eyes but couldn't help it. Sirius was dragging the tips of his fingers in lazy circles over Remus' bare back, moving them over his neck and across his shoulders and down his arm, and Remus was relaxed into Sirius' side. It was intimate and familiar in a way that made Lily embarrassed to have looked, to be watching, and she forced herself to look down at her shoes, her hair slipping heavily over her shoulder. In just that moment, she hated that she blushed so easily and that even in the low light of the hot coals in the stove, James could probably see her turning red. 

"Sirius? Did Moony have it last?" James whispered, taking a step closer. "Do you think he'd mind if I looked for it?"

"Not if you quit whispering and let him sleep," Remus said, and Lily looked back up then, surprised in a lot of ways, starting with that this seemed quite normal to them all, Remus and Sirius having a snuggle in the middle of the day, and James completely oblivious as if he's seen it a million times, and Sirius _reading_ of all things (because she hadn't taken him as quite literary or literate for that matter, though she knew that wasn't right or fair, since he'd bested her in Muggle Studies-- _Muggle Studies_ \--last year), and lying motionless, which she would have thought was physically impossible for him. 

"Is it in your trunk?" James whispered, leaning now over Sirius, his hand light on Remus' back.

"My bag."

James bent down and kissed Remus' shoulder in thanks, a wet, smacking thing, and Lily blushed again, raising her eyes to the ceiling now as if she'd found something intensely interesting there. This easy affection was almost as disconcerting as the scars that crisscrossed Remus' back and arms like a map of London (and she _really_ hadn't meant to look again) since in her family it'd been years since she'd even thought about hugging her sister.

"Evans," Sirius drawled by way of greeting, drawing her from her thoughts, though he had obviously known she was there before.

"Black," she answered, meaning to make her voice hard (as was their tradition when they were forced to speak to one another) but it came out whispery, choking her when she realized that it wasn't a greeting but a warning because Remus hadn't known she was there. She saw something in his look that was both protective and proprietary, which made Lily feel as though she was intruding (and she was positive that he thought so). She pulled her cloak tighter around her, her arms going around her middle, and bit her lip.

Remus started to lift his head at the sound of her voice, his face gray and pale, but Sirius moved his hand from Remus' shoulder to rest on the back of his head, to pull him back down to rest back on Sirius. Lily held her breath as she heard Sirius' mumbled _go back to sleep_ and saw that his lips were practically against Remus' forehead as he spoke before he seemed to go to his book, his fingers moving to stroke slowly through Remus' hair.

James retrieved the book, grabbed his bag, and slid his hand to rest on her elbow, ushering her from the room. She glanced over her shoulder before the door shut to find that Sirius was still looking at her, his face twisted into something that felt like a dare (and that was at least familiar) and she knew the whole "not hexing a girl" thing probably wouldn't apply if she decided to make Remus her target (she didn't think for what would particularly matter). She squinched her face, the words "I would never" on her lips, though she didn't bother to say them out loud (would never what?) and turned away from then both.

They were out of the common room and headed up to the library, Lily silently following James, when Lily put her hand flat on her stomach. She tried to find the words to say something like _tell Black that I would never hurt Remus_ or… well, she couldn't think of what else she would say (or need to say) because all she could think of was the scars that covered Remus' skin, how Sirius had touched Remus, of Severus' theories and her own. She remembered suddenly that the full moon would come the next night and she felt (again so suddenly) that she couldn't breath, and had to stop, reaching out to touch the nearest stone wall to steady herself.

"Are you okay?" James asked as he touched her shoulder.

"Remus."

"He has trouble sleeping sometimes," James said, his voice sounding strange to Lily's ears. He shifted his bag to his other shoulder and reached for hers, which she let him take so that she could rest her back against the wall, wondering if her legs would continue to support her.

"The illnesses. The scars. I told Severus he was wrong. I thought I knew but I told Severus he was wrong."

"Evans."

At the note of warning in James' voice, Lily looked up at him and saw the same thing she had seen in Sirius. "I like Remus," she whispered, looking away from the danger in his eyes. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. I told Severus he was wrong."

Lily gasped when James took her arm and began to steer her down the hall, and Lily had to almost run to keep up. He looked in several rooms before finding an empty classroom and pushed her inside before he slammed the door shut, casting a locking charm and then a silencing charm on top of it. He dropped their bags onto the floor and turned to look at her, his hands jammed deep into his pockets, so much like Sirius just then that they actually could be brothers at just that moment.

"Remus has been my friend," she said, feeling like a fish that has been thrown onto the bank.

"He's still your friend." James pushed his hand through his hair and it wasn't like when he did it for affectation. It was fear and frustration, so completely foreign to how she's always thought of him that she couldn't bear to look away. "Whatever you thought you knew, Evans--"

"I know he's a werewolf, James. I know. I've known."

James sat down heavily on a long, low bench, his elbows on his knees. Lily watched as he washed his hands over his face and beneath his glasses, leaving them askew, before meeting her eyes again. "You can never say that out loud again, Lily. To anyone."

"It's true then."

James nodded, miserable. Lily perched on the bench beside him, stunned, and wrapped her arms around her middle. They were still and quiet for a long time. Lily could hear some other students yelling as they played a game down on the grounds, the sound floating up to them, and then, even more quietly, someone walking down the hall, singing slightly off key, until even that was gone. 

"I know what can happen," she whispered. "I know what can happen. I know that-- I won't tell anyone, James. I promise."

It took James a long time before he nodded, and Lily covered her face with her hands, a sob escaping her before she could swallow it back. "I didn't know it would be so bad," she said, thinking again of Remus' scars.

"The transformations hurt. For a couple of days before the full, it's like his muscle and bone are warring in his body." James stopped, shrugged and shook his head. His voice was dull, pained, and he shifted uncomfortably along the bench, clearly unsure of how much he should say. "He hurts so much that even the clothes against his skin make him ache."

It took Lily a few seconds to work out what "near the full" meant, her mind still rebelling slightly (not Remus, not a monster though her mind rebelled stronger to that). She said, "oh," not knowing what else to say, but then came up with "Sirius," but stopped because it felt strange to say it out loud after she'd so clearly misinterpreted what she had seen in the dorm.

"He's always been the one who could keep Remus calm before." James shrugged again, this time as if he's never thought about it before. "Remus has like, really vivid nightmares--night terrors, a few days before so he can't sleep. He can't eat." James ticked things off on his fingers before he tossed up his hand then pushed it through his hair again.

"So Sirius--"

"Takes care of him even when he doesn't want anyone near him. Has since third year, at least." James turned to Lily suddenly, clasping her hands between his own. "You can't let on to Remus that you know unless he tells you himself. It wasn't my secret to tell."

"I understand, James."

"Or to Sirius. Especially to Sirius. He's extremely protective."

"You all are."

"It's different with Sirius. He'd probably kill Snape if he found out." James gave her a grim smile, his eyes flashing, and Lily shivered, suspecting that he wasn't joking. "He'd probably just obliviate your memories."

"He wouldn't." Lily felt a little breathless when he didn't answer her but continued to look steadily into her eyes. "What do I do, James?"

"Same as you always have. He's always had his furry little problem, as long as you've known him, and he's never hurt anyone. He's kept safe during the full. You're in no danger, not from Remus."

"I know. I mean, I didn't think I was."

"If you think it would help, I could let you go out with me. Lupin would never eat my girlfriend."

Lily made a noise that was both a cry and a laugh at James' cheek, shaking her head before turning away from him and burying her face in her hands. It was too much (all of it) and she was crying before she knew it. She hated to cry and was embarrassed to do it now, in front of James, and couldn't have even said why she was doing it, not specifically at least. She was comforted though when James only sat quietly for several long minutes, his hand on her shoulder, before he took a sheet of clean parchment from his bag and transformed it into a large handkerchief. 

"All right?" He asked much later as they sat in the dark, the halls and grounds long gone silent.

She nodded her head and stood, reaching for her bag. "Thank you, James."

"For what?"

"I don't know." Lily's hiccupped in the middle of her laugh and she swallowed hard before it turned into more (embarrassing--really embarrassing) tears and followed him from the room.


	3. Early November 1976

When Remus' Muggle alarm clock went off, Peter had been having a really brilliant dream about flying over the forest and sharing his broom with Christine Whitcher, a lovely Hufflepuff in their same year. Her breasts had been pressed against his back, her hands clutching at his waist, while she whispered in a low and beguilingly voice to go faster and higher. In real life, Christine was given to fits of giggles and spent a lot of time fixing Sirius with a look not terribly unlike the one James often gave Lily, not that Sirius ever noticed Christine even though she was twice as pretty as Sirius’ girlfriend. Peter had noticed, however, and had begun chatting her up in his own way. At first, he’d spent a lot of time talking about Sirius, a very favorite topic of hers, but lately he'd been broaching other topics, like divination, which she also really liked and put tremendous store by. It was a tip he’d picked up from an article in a Muggle magazine he'd found in the common room but was now hidden beneath his mattress. It'd been titled _Make him want you! How to win the man of your dreams_ but Peter figured it was close enough and besides that, he thought it was working.

In his warm bed with his curtain shut tightly against the weak morning light, Peter tried desperately to swim back toward his dreams but he could hear Remus fumbling about to turn off his alarm and James grumbling over the noise and Sirius rattling back his own curtains. He knew it was hopeless. They had class--Transfiguration--and if he got up now, he could be the first in the showers and, more importantly, the first out. Today was especially important because not only was it waffle day, his favorite breakfast, and if they didn't get down there quickly, the sausages would be greasy. Also, one of the tips in the article was to "walk in front of your heartthrob when going to or from class." He had no idea what the point of that was but he meant to try it and knew that Christine would be going out to the greenhouses after breakfast, which didn't give him much time to both walk in front of her and get to his own class without earning a detention. 

By the time he was dressed and looking under his bed for his shoes and socks, only James was actually up and showering. Remus was still curled around his pillows, which was odd, and Sirius was sitting on the edge of Remus' mattress, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he murmured something to Remus that Peter couldn't hear. Usually it was the other way around, with Remus hurling dire threats at Sirius to get him up and moving before they were all late to breakfast. 

"What's with him?" Peter asked Sirius as he stood, one blue sock and one brown in hand.

"He's being a prat," Sirius answered, gesturing with his chin toward Remus.

"Am not." 

"You wouldn't be like this if you'd just woke me last night."

"That would be brilliant, wouldn't it," Remus bit out as he propped himself up against his headboard and cradled his head in his hands. "Then we could both be miserable, and you're so much better at it than I am."

"I could have gone to Madame Pomfrey for a sleeping draught."

"I wouldn't have stopped you. She's always up for an opportunity to knock you or James under, and I can't say that I blame her."

"You _are_ being a idiot. I'd have gone for you."

"Didn't want one."

"Stubborn."

"Arse."

"Well, you can just stay in bed now."

"I can't. Besides, it's just Transfiguration and Arithmancy. I'll be fine."

"I wish you’d quit saying that, especially when you're anything but."

Peter hopped on each foot in turn as he pulled his socks on, listening to Remus and Sirius continue to argue but not bothering to get in between. It was the day of the full moon and only Sirius would even attempt to reason with Remus, and Peter wasn't sure why even he bothered except for the Thing Which Was Never Mentioned, or rather the Thing about Which Peter Was Forbidden to Speak. As he bent on first one knee and then the other to tie his shoes, he could see it though. Christine and James weren't the only ones who gave _Looks_ and no matter what anyone said, Peter knew why Sirius never saw Christine or any of the other girls who fell all over him and why he never talked about what he did with his girlfriend unless James pressed for details when he was more than willing to brag about everything else from his Quidditch game to his marks to his better pranks and fights. 

Shouldering his bag, Peter stood by the door as James came in to grab his clothes, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair standing in all directions, and a toothbrush dangling from his mouth. He wondered if James saw it, too, Sirius and Remus; like now when Remus was sat up, leaning into Sirius as Sirius cupped Remus' head in his hands, his long fingers massaging his scalp. Peter didn't do that for James or James for Sirius, and it wasn't like Remus was sick, not like _sick_ , only just tired and sore and in a _mood_ , a particularly foul one at that if the twist of his lips was any measure. Peter suspected that Remus secretly liked the attention that Sirius gave him, especially since Peter had only just recently discovered that Sirius wasn't the only boy who Remus had let touch him in a way that Peter most certainly wouldn't with another bloke.

"What are we doing today, lads?" James asked around his toothbrush, cutting across Peter's thoughts.

"Breakfast," Peter said.

"Wait for me, Pete." Remus grabbed Sirius' wrists to push him away and swung his legs off the bed but didn't get any further before Sirius twisted and began wrestling him to lie back against his pillows. "Leave me alone, Black. I don't want to miss classes."

"And Pete doesn't want to miss Christine," James said, winking at Peter and Peter grinned back. "Let him up, Sirius."

"I won't," Sirius said, sounding petulant, and though Peter couldn't see Sirius' face, he knew the expression he'd be wearing. "He didn't sleep last night or the night before and--"

"You're not my mother, Black, and I certainly don't need a nursemaid."

"C'mon," Sirius whispered, wheedling, and though Peter tried not to hear anymore, he couldn't help it. He knew that Remus would likely give in, no matter his protests. "I'll stay with you, if you want. Prongs'll take good notes." 

He looked at them again and saw that Remus was dressing just as quickly as James was but Sirius was still in his pajama bottoms, making no move toward his uniform as he stood in front of Remus. Though Remus was doing his best to ignore him, a nearly impossible task, their bodies still swayed toward one another. How could James not see that and know?

"We're going to be late if you’re not careful," Peter said under his breath just to make Remus straighten up and remember that they weren't alone. They were the same words he'd spoken when he'd found Remus in the stacks with Colin Edwards, a fifth year Ravenclaw no less, and he knew that Remus remembered too when he was rewarded with Remus' blush and the same look of guilt on his face now as then. As Peter watched, Remus pushed Sirius' hands firmly away before he pushed past Peter to go into the bathroom. 

Peter looked away to the ceiling, his bed, James as he jammed his feet into his shoes and struggled with his tie--anywhere except to where Sirius stood still and quiet. Of course, Peter didn't have to look up to know that Sirius was staring at him with narrowed eyes and he wondered if Sirius would hate to know just how predictable he was. 

"Christine's that blonde in Hufflepuff, yeah?" Sirius finally said, his voice low and steady but with the same menace he usually saved for Slytherins or members of his family. He waited until he had Peter’s attention before he turned away, digging out a clean set of trousers and tossed them onto his bed. "She's cute. Have you asked her out yet?"

"No," Peter answered stiffly. Of course he hadn't, and Sirius knew that. It was always this, Sirius leveling his anger at Remus toward Peter or James, and most often Peter because Sirius didn't care if Peter got angry back or stopped talking to him for a week. Peter doubted Sirius ever even noticed, and wasn't that just a bit galling considering that they were supposed to be all for one and one for all, like in that Muggle book Remus had explained to him. It came to him quick and hard that maybe things would be different if he told Sirius what he'd seen--or at least what he thought he'd seen because Colin and Remus had stepped away from each other too quickly for Peter to be sure--really sure.

"You won't mind then if I do, would you?"

"Sirius." It was a warning from James, who took the toothbrush from his mouth and pointed it at Sirius but Sirius only smirked and shrugged his shoulders. It was as far as James would go, he knew--they all knew--because it was Sirius. Thankfully it was enough, as it nearly always was.

"I'm just taking the piss, yeah Peter?"

"Yeah." Peter let his face go slack and stupid, laughing too loudly as if he was only just getting the joke. 

"Why don't you go on?" James suggested when the room had gone quiet again. "You know Sirius is going to take forever and you could still catch up with Christine."

"Yeah," Peter said as he shifted his bag onto his other shoulder. "Yeah, I'm going to go down. I'll see you lot in class, then."

Peter shut the door behind him with a little more force than was necessary. It wasn't that he cared particularly if Sirius and Remus were having it off, but he hated to think of how it would change things when James finally figured out that his best friend was bent. Of course, maybe then James would come to Peter for advice and pranks and with his secrets and they could stop worrying about Remus and the full moons and just have fun. 

He was halfway down the stairs before his guilt stopped him, and he looked back up toward the room he shared with the other Marauders. He hadn't meant it, not really. He liked Remus, especially since it wasn’t like Remus could help the way he was, and sometimes Peter even liked Sirius, when Sirius wasn't acting like he was Merlin’s gift to the Wizarding world, and while Sirius could help that and didn’t-- _at all_ \--Peter still found it pretty funny when it wasn’t directed at Peter. It was only just that he didn't like being second best in everything and to everyone, especially when he knew it wasn't even second place but last and had been since first year. Hitching his bag higher onto his shoulder, Peter took the stairs a little more slowly as he headed down to breakfast. Christine was all but forgotten as he tried to think of some prank that would make it up to everyone--something against the Slytherins, or better yet Snape. Even if they didn't know what he was making up for, Peter knew that it would make him feel better if could only feel like they were all still on the same side.


	4. Late February 1977

Since the holidays, Lily had found it hard (harder) to concentrate. This year had been _fraught_ , was the word that repeated in her head oh so unhelpfully. She was aware of Remus in a way she hadn't been before, and in turn he seemed... changed toward her--reserved, though she was sure that James hadn't told him about their conversation. Then there was James himself. He still teased and begged for dates--for the time of day--and she still refused him but with a tingling in her fingertips and a buzzing up and down her spine every time he looked in her direction. Alice would still insist that her voice seemed to have lost the same conviction she'd once held against the matter and she supposed she had. She couldn't _unsee_ him now that her eyes were wide open. It was all so confusing. Nothing was as it once had been at school or at home, and the letter she held in her hands from her mum wasn't doing much to help with that.

It was the closest thing to a howler her mum could manage, filled with exclamation points and underlines and _it's just so disappointing_ and _I don't want this for my girls_. They'd fought, Petunia and Lily, from the time Lily had come home until she'd left for the station with her dad. Her mum wanted Lily to heal the rift, as if she could--as if anyone could possibly _reason_ with Petunia when she got into one of her moods. Lily wanted to know why she should always be the one to make the first move in any event, as it was Petunia who had started the whole mess--Petunia, who was the eldest and so should know better. Lily knew what her mother's answer to that argument would be, just like she knew she would try, eventually at least, maybe leaving it to the summer, which was still months and months away. She'd convinced herself it would be better to do it in person, though the decision did not leave her particularly comfortable. She only had to look across the room to where Severus sat determinedly not looking at her to be reminded of how awful she was at making up.

A sharp reprimand from Professor McGonagall cut across Lily's thoughts, startling her, and she quickly tucked her letter between the pages of her book. Alice nudged her in the side with her elbow before Lily realized it wasn't her at all who was being threatened with detention. She peeked over her shoulder, not daring to look too interested, and watched as Sirius Black crossed his arms over his chest, his sullen "no ma'am" barely above a whisper when Professor McGonagall asked him for apparently the second time if he'd like to spend the evening in detention.

Next to him, Remus flinched away, clearly embarrassed, and moved closer to James on his other side, nearly tipping his pot of ink. James deftly caught it before it could spill over their tabletop, and then put his hand on Remus' arm. Professor McGonagall turned from them at the sound of tittering from around the room, the result of a certain expectation for the Marauders to push their luck as they so often did, relying on their charm and their professor's good graces to stay mostly out of trouble. Both charm and grace seemed to be in short order that day and the laughter died away, replaced by the sound of nib on parchment as Professor McGonagall began her rapid fire lecture again.

Lily turned, too, though the words in her text book danced in front of her eyes and she quickly lost track of the notes she was meant to be taking. It was a full moon night, she knew, and she suspected that was why Professor McGonagall didn't give Sirius detention though she could hear he'd already begun his whispers again, sounding urgent though Lily could hear none of his words clearly. She turned again and saw that Remus was leaning into Sirius once more, a hungry look on his face that seemed more wolfish than Remus, and Lily shivered. Turning away before they could catch her, she found she wasn't the only one in the room interested and bit her lip as she watched Severus lean forward in his chair, his advantage better than hers.

For a quarter hour more, Lily struggled to listen to the lecture on dimensional transmutation and not think about Remus or Severus or James (who she really, _really_ didn't want to think about _at all_ though it was certainly nicer than remembering the things Petunia had said and the things that Severus thought and the things that Remus must be feeling). What made it harder was their professor seemed distracted herself, repeating her words and pacing the front of the room near the windows. When Lily thought she would fly out of her seat from the tension in the room and inside herself, Professor McGonagall stopped abruptly, looking around the room as if surprised to see her students still sitting quietly and expectantly, and dismissed them all (except for Remus) a full twenty minutes before class was meant to end.

Her class sat still and quiet, surprised, before she said, "Go on! Get out before I change my mind," and the room was filled with the sound of chairs scraping against the floor. Alice and Iana were the first out the door, laughing merrily at some joke, before Lily had sorted her book into her bag, frowning when she found that she'd let her quill create a large black stain in the middle of her parchment. Lily sighed and stood and looked again to see that Remus sat still in his chair with James and Sirius standing over him. They were deep in conversation, each with a hand to one of Remus' shoulders, oblivious, it seemed, to the way Remus twisted his hands nervously. 

Lily tucked away her parchment and quill, wanting to see what would happen but not really willing to press her luck with their professor, who stood at her desk, impatiently rapping her knuckles against the top until even the tip of her hat quivered. It was then that Lily noticed Severus tarrying as well, his eyes still on the three boys, and Lily recognized the look on his face as one he would get when the answer to a problem seemed almost within reach--excited and eager but frustrated--impatient, too.

"Alone, if you wouldn't mind," Professor McGonagall said, and James nodded, grabbing his and Remus' bags. Sirius stood a moment longer, his hand now on the back of Remus' neck as he stared down at the top of Remus' head. He bent suddenly, whispering into Remus' ear and Remus nodded sharply, and then James and Sirius left the room with Severus following quickly on their heels.

"Did you have a question, Miss Evans?"

"No, ma'am," Lily whispered, discomfited to find herself alone with them when she hadn't meant to be the last to leave.

"Then please close the door on your way out."

"Yes, ma'am."

Lily had expected to find James and Sirius in the hall but they were nowhere to be seen. It was only Severus who lingered near the door, frowning deeply when Lily pulled it closed. Lily tilted her head, not surprised to find him there but disappointed in some way. She found herself tired of it all--irritated that this argument (if that's what it was at this point) with Severus was bound up in some way with her fight with Petunia and the strange relationship she had with Potter. She was tired of it, especially when it was so clear to her that Severus' interest lie with Remus rather repairing their own tattered friendship.

"Severus," she began, not knowing exactly what she meant to say but meaning to say it nonetheless.

"Evans," he drawled, going for the affectation of bored, an imitation of his Slytherin housemates--hadn't she heard it a thousand times from Regulus Black when he would deign to acknowledge her at all? Lily would have almost believed it if not for the way his eyes shone brightly, still keen on his hunt. "You'd best hurry before you're seen speaking to me. You wouldn't want that getting around."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I know what your friends say about me, especially Potter. I've seen the way you act together."

"Of course you have. Everyone has. He's my partner for Potions since you've become a gigantic arse and we aren't speaking anymore."

"And Lupin," he said, ignoring her comment completely. "You've had your heads together a lot lately, and I know you're not partnering with him for anything, at least not until we choose partners for our Arithmancy project next week. I suppose it will be him if he's healthy enough to show to class."

"And what difference will it make to you what a mudblood and a half-breed do?"

"Lily--" Severus began, his voice soft, all his pretensions dropped.

"No. No apologies. You said you were done with them when I wouldn't accept them last year. Why do you care now?"

"Are you interested in him?"

"He's my friend," Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You were the one who always assumed it was more. Why him? Why not Potter?"

"Lupin seems more your type," Severus answered, still pained, it sounded to Lily's ears, to be reminded of this old argument. He turned from her slightly, considering, his hair slipping from behind his ear to fall into his eyes. "Your type," he said again, looking back up at her. "Even if you're apparently not his type at all."

"I wasn't aware that I had a specific _type_. Besides, I think I show a great deal less interest in him than you have lately." Severus took a step back, his mouth falling open, and Lily couldn't help but feeling a small victory at it. "Maybe he's your type. That is what you meant, isn't it?"

"You know what my thoughts are about Lupin--you even shared them once."

"I was wrong. We were both wrong." Lily, surprised at how easily the lie had come, smiled at him to hide her nerves over what he had said, her thick hair swinging in a sheet over her shoulder. She leaned in to Severus to press her advantage and tugged on the sleeve to his robe. "We're friends, Severus. I have lots of friends, James and Remus amongst them. Just friends, like we were once."  

"Not like us."  

"No," she admitted. "Not like us. I do miss you, Sev."

"You wouldn't forgive me."  

"What you said was unforgivable, and I still don't like your friends. They've been a bad influence."  

"I could say the same about your friends."

"You're only talking about Potter and Black, I hope, and they're not _bad_ , not like--"  

"You've no idea, I think, what they're capable of, the four of them combined. Lupin, for example," Severus spat out as he stepped away from Lily.

"This again," Lily said, and it was her turn to try to sound bored this time.

Severus pointed his finger at the closed door to the Transfiguration room, his voice becoming a hiss. "I know what he is. He's filled with all sorts of madness, and yet you're worried about dark magic and dark thoughts amongst my friends."

"I told you, Severus. You're wrong about Remus." Lily was suddenly afraid at the gleam in Severus' eyes, which glittered like black beetles at the secret he thought he kept, and she wrapped her arms around her chest, chilled.   

"That little friend of theirs told me everything I needed to know to figure it out months ago."

"Peter?"  

"Oh yes. He meant it as a joke, I know, but he's not clever enough for that, is he. He knew he said too much and that I saw right through him, going on about grims and other such nonsense. As soon as I have proof Remus Lupin will be expelled from Hogwarts, Potter and Black, too, if I can help it, and then you'll see that I was right about them."  

"Lily!"

Lily jerked her head back, surprised to see Iana and Alice at the end of the hall, beckoning for her. Severus cleared his throat and shifted his bag on his shoulder where he held onto the strap with both hands. A lank of hair fell into his eyes again and he took a step back, away from her and into the shadows.  

"Severus, please," she pleaded as she turned back toward him. "You're wrong about Remus. Just tell me what Peter said. I'm sure there's an explanation."  

"You'll find out soon. The whole school will find out."

"Severus--"

"Good thing we came along," Iana said as she flanked Lily on one side and Alice on the other. "That's right. Go ahead and leave, Snape. No one wants you here."  

"Iana!" Lily whispered urgently as Severus narrowed his eyes at them and then swept down the hall, his thin robes noticeably too short for him as he moved away. Lily elbowed Iana when she would laugh at him. "You don't have to be so rude."  

"Oh come on, Lily. After what he said to you last year?"

"He was my friend once."

"Was, though how you were ever friends with that slimy git, I'll never know."  

"Okay, okay--just stop," Alice said. "Let's not talk about him. What are you doing here anyway? We thought you'd gone to class already."

"Never mind class. James told me that if I got you to agree to go to the next Hogsmeade with him that he'd get Sirius to take me," Iana said. She stopped Alice and Lily by tugging on Lily's arm, a far away look in her eyes. "Can you imagine? Sirius Black."  

"I thought Black was still dating that Ravenclaw, Mary," Alice said. "They've been together for ages."

"Broke up, didn't they. I heard she was mad because he spent all his time with his friends." Iana ran to catch up with Lily when she finally noticed that Lily had shaken herself loose. "Besides, I heard he only ever dated her because she was Muggle born and it would make his family mad."  

"I'm sure not," Lily said.  

"I'm Muggle born and will do just as well if it is true. I'm better besides because it doesn't matter to me if he wanted to spend time with his friends, especially if you were going out with James."

"Forget it, Iana."  

"Why not? He's crazy about you." Iana sighed and linked arms with Lily. "Just think about it, Lily. He's grown up loads since last year, even you said it, and besides, it would be lots of fun! We could find someone for Remus and Peter, too, I guess. It'd be best if Alice would date Remus and then we'd only have to worry about Peter, but she only has eyes for Longbottom, don't you, Alice."

"I don't!"

"You do, too. Look. There's James and Sirius now." Iana let go of Lily and pushed through the door and into the courtyard, leaving her friends to trail behind her. 

It was cold and the wind swirled beneath their robes and made them billow out. Alice leaned in closer to Lily as they followed in Iana's wake. James, Peter, and Sirius stood huddled against the far wall, their heads together, listening as James talked. They didn't notice the girls at all until Iana ran up to them, her voice loud as she grabbed Sirius' arm. "C'mon Black. We heard you during Transfiguration, didn't we, Lily?"  

There was a moment of silence between the boys, both Peter and Sirius looking to James and James looking sharply to Iana. Lily noticed that Sirius paled some, his mouth opening and closing before James only just barely shook his head to stop whatever he was going to say. Lily watched them, knowing somehow that they must have been talking about Remus.   

"I didn't hear anything other than Professor McGonagall offering a round of detentions," Lily said quickly, blushing when James beamed at her. "I had no desire to take her up on it."  

"I've no idea what you're on about, Lily. It's well known that Minerva fancies both Sirius and me. Can't decide between us, can she? His rakish good looks or my charm." James turned his smile on Sirius, tugging at his tie. "Or is that my looks and your charm. Hard to keep it straight."  

"Never mind all that. You're planning something, the pair of you." Iana let go of Sirius and curled herself into James' side, clinging to his arm as she batted her eyelashes at him. "Let us in on it. Please? We're good for an adventure."  

"Leave me and Alice out of it," Lily said, and she laughed with Alice though she prickled at the sight of James looking down at Iana in a way she'd seen from him often enough herself. Worse was the pleasure she took when James extracted himself from Iana.

"Maybe some other time. We do hate to deny such lovely witches the pleasure of our company," James said but he was looking at Lily. Lily caught herself unconsciously straightening the collar of her robe and dropped her hands before nervously reaching to tug at the ends of her scarf. James grinned and winked at her, and Lily pressed her hand to her stomach, wishing it wouldn't flop so, especially when he was being irritating-- _not_ charming. She couldn't imagine why she'd ever told Severus that they were friends. 

Iana didn't notice anything, though, and only leaned in close to James again to press her case. Lily was saved from watching when some other Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students tumbled out of the castle and into the courtyard for their break between classes. Alice tugged on Lily's hand when Frank Longbottom showed up, laughing loudly at some joke but looking in their direction. They left Iana to the boys to join Frank's group but Lily couldn't focus on their conversation for looking over her shoulder to where James stood. 

They'd been joined by Sabine and some other girls in their year, their group laughing and talking so loudly that nobody seemed to notice when Remus came out and headed directly for Sirius, or watched as he fumbled through the pockets of Sirius' robes. Nobody except Lily of course, who also saw the way Remus' hands shook as he struggled to light the cigarette he'd found. Sirius barely broke his conversation as he took the lighter from Remus' hands and lit it for him, inhaling deeply before passing it back. 

Remus leaned against the wall, hidden mostly by Sirius and then James as James moved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Sirius. Peter stood in the middle of their group, gesturing wildly as he told some story, only a few words of which made their way to Lily. Lily watched for a moment, no longer listening or needed as Alice flirted with Frank. When she heard Frank mention Hogsmeade, Lily stepped around them and went to talk to Remus, who was still hiding behind Sirius, the cigarette burned down nearly to his fingertips.  

"I didn't know you smoked," she said as she rested her shoulder next to his. Sirius turned his head slightly, enough to show her that he knew she was there, that he was listening, too.  

"I don't," Remus said. His lips barely twitched into a smile that fell away just as quickly. "Sirius is the one with bad habits."  

"Ah."  

"You won't tell?"

"Of course not. You didn't tell when you found me out-of-bounds the other night."  

"You never did tell me what you were doing."  

"Listening to Iana, which always gets me into trouble."

"I can definitely understand that." Remus took the last bit of his cigarette and dropped it to the ground, grinding it out with his boot heel before vanishing it with his wand. He picked up his bag from where it lay on the ground next to James and gave her a real smile this time, though it, too, never made it to his eyes. "There, it's done anyway. I'm headed to class. Would you like to walk with me?"  

Lily nodded and took his arm, suddenly glad to be away from Iana's giggles and James' teasings (not directed at her for a change, not that it mattered). She was cold and tired, and inexplicably sad to see the dark circles beneath Remus' eyes. They hadn't gone more than a few steps when Sirius stopped them by catching his hand at Remus' elbow.  

"I thought you were going back up to the room," he said, his voice low and rough, sounding nearly as sullen as he had in class.   

"I told you after lunch, Sirius, when I have a break. I'm fine, really."  

"You didn't tell me what McGonagall wanted." Sirius glanced at Lily, dismissing her, before he focused on Remus again. For a moment, Lily actually thought she should go though she knew that a year ago she would have told Sirius to bugger off. Remus, though, patted her hand to keep her still and at his side.

"We'll talk about it later."   

"Arse. I'll walk with you and you can tell me now."  

"You'll be late to Runes."

"Barely."

"We're on opposite sides of the castle. Go on, Black, and I'll see you at lunch."  

"Don't be stupid. I'll walk with you," Sirius insisted before his voice turned soft and pleading. "Let me come with."

"I told you I'm fine."  

"Don't--"

"It's okay, Black. I'll watch after him." Lily forced a laugh when Sirius narrowed his eyes to her. "See? I don't scare so easily."

Remus did laugh then, and followed Lily out of the courtyard, only looking back once though Lily didn't dare it herself. She didn't scare easily, and she certainly wasn't afraid of Sirius Black, but he made her nervous or..., she wasn't sure. Something. She remembered the time in fourth year when she'd had a crush on Sirius for precisely one week, it was about all she could stand, because he was too intense, even then. He took everything too seriously and yet not seriously enough, and she suspected he would love too hard, though Alice had only giggled nervously when Lily had said that out loud. Too much poetry, she'd said, but then Alice was practical like that, her only flights of fancy involved Longbottom and even then she was not given to being terribly romantic over him. Lily was quite sure she wasn't being _romantic_ over Sirius. 

Once they were back in the castle, Lily laughed a little more brightly than perhaps was strictly necessary at the jokes Remus barely made, but then he didn't really seem to notice. Once they were in class, he became distracted again, and so did she when she saw that Severus was huddled with Avery and Mulciber. She had no time to think about them, though, as Professor Vector swept into the room and immediately set them problems as practice. 

It was nearly the end of class before Lily looked up again and met Severus' eyes. The room had been quiet but seemed somehow too still. Their professor had gone, the open door showing him in the hall where he stood talking with that year's Dark Art's teacher, Professor Kersid. Their were rumors about the two of them, mostly started by Iana, who disliked both Vector and Kersid. As Lily watched Kersid lean into Vector, her eyes arranged in some parody of seduction over their short, squat Arithmancy professor, Lily knew Iana would find a triumph here. Lily turned to grin at Remus, knowing he must have seen Iana's imitation of them, but found instead that Remus was curiously focused on a point somewhere in front of him, his work having fluttered to the floor though his fingers curled tightly around his quill. His lips were moving, as if he were talking without sound. 

"Remus?" Lily whispered and reached her hand to touch his shoulder.

"Leave him be, Lily," Severus whispered back and several of their nearest classmates turned away from the show in the hall to look their way.

"What's wrong with him?" 

"Loony Lupin's finally gone mad, hasn't he," Mulciber whispered.

At those words, Lily looked back at Severus. "You cursed him? Is this what you meant?"

Next to him, Theophilus Avery curled his lips into a cruel smile. "Everyone will see him for what he is now."

"What did you do to him? Make it stop, Severus!"

"I didn't do anything."

"Avery and Mulciber, then."

"You can’t blame us for Lupin’s weaknesses. It's bad blood, Evans."

"Stop it. Severus, help him. You can't--"

"I think you'll find that I can."

Next to her, Remus shut his eyes and twisted his head to the side, his lips still moving. His hand clutched at his desk, his knuckles gone white. His quill feather bent and snapped.

"Remus?"

"I'm okay, Lily," he whispered.

"What is going on here?" Professor Vector asked as he came back into the room. He stood near the door next to Iana, her cheeks bright pink as she stared at Lily. "Mr. Lupin? Miss Evans? Explain yourselves."

"It was Mulciber, sir," Iana said. "He started it."

Nobody said anything. Avery and Mulciber stared down at their desks, Mulciber sliding his wand out of sight into his sleeve. Next to them Severus straightened in his chair and turned his face from Lily. She looked instead to Remus, who sat trembling, sweat on his forehead as he smoothed out the broken feather of his quill.

"Started what, Miss Halley?"

"I'm not sure, sir. Only just--" Lily watched as Remus gave a sharp shake of his head and Iana's words trailed off. "I'm not sure," she said again.

"Mr. Lupin?" Professor Vector asked again and again Remus shook his head. "Mr. Avery? You're always quite keen to give out the answers. No? Since no one seems to know what happened but everyone seems to have had time to participate, everyone may have part of the punishment. Finish the even problem sets between pages 192 and 200."

"It was just a joke, sir," Avery finally said.

"If you have time for jokes, Mr. Avery, then you have time to work as well. Finish _all_ of the problem sets between pages 192 and 200. Before the next class. That's all. You're dismissed." 

Remus stood with some effort amidst the grumblings of his fellow classmates and the sound of chairs scraping across the floor and bags being opened and closed. Lily reached for him again but he stopped her with a raised hand. "I'm alright, Lily."

"Maybe you should go to the infirmary, Remus."

"No," he said, his face tightly controlled now though pale. "I'm okay. Only just tired."

"What did they do to you?"

"It was just a prank. Revenge, right?"

"For what?"

"Perhaps you should ask Potter and Black to list their crimes," Severus hissed.

"Severus--" Lily called but Severus didn't stop walking away from them. 

Remus was still shaking, his eyes distant, but he brushed off Lily's concern with soft, gentle words and a strange, faraway smile that fell from his lips almost immediately. She remembered he had been the same way earlier, after Transfiguration, and almost convinced herself that the whole incident had been nothing--had almost never happened. Lily walked to the Great Hall by herself, though she knew Alice and Iana followed her closely. She started to sit in her same spot at the table but saw James and went to sit next to him instead. James stopped talking mid-sentence, his hand, raised in some gesture, hung in the air as he turned to look at her.

"Did Evans actually just sit next to me of her own free will?" he asked Sirius.

"Where's Remus?"

"He said he wasn't hungry," Lily said. "He was going back up to the tower."

"Wanker," Sirius mumbled as he stabbed a piece of potato on his plate. "I told him to stay there to begin with."

"He didn't look well. He said--" Lily faltered, looking across the Great Hall to where Severus sat at the Slytherin table. She knew Sirius would take revenge if she said anything and her mouth worked around it. "He said he might be getting sick, or something," she said, stumbling over her words. Finally, she put her hands flat on the table and looked up at Sirius. "He looked really bad when I left him. I think something was really wrong."

Sirius didn't answer her or ask any questions. He only just dropped his fork and stood, walking out of the Great Hall without looking back and taking off at a run once he got to the doors. Lily watched him, her hands shaking, until he was gone.

"Did something happen, Lily?" James asked.

"Yes. In Arithmancy."

"Something with Remus?"

"Avery and Mulciber. And. Snape," she forced herself to say. "They placed a curse on him. It made him so strange. He fought it and they released him when Vector came back in but, I don't know. He said he was just tired but I don't know."

Before Lily could finish, James was out of his seat and taking off at a run for Gryffindor Tower, leaving her with Peter. Lily folded her hands in her lap and looked down at her empty plate, no longer hungry. 

"He'll be okay, Lily," Peter said. "He always is."

"Severus said," Lily began, and then swallowed back her words. She turned to Peter, blinking around sudden tears. "Snape said that you played a prank on him a few months ago. That he knew now. That he _knows_ , Peter."

Peter turned ashen and stood as well. "James will take care of it," he said. He smoothed down his robes, chancing a look to the Slytherin table, paling considerably. "He'll know what to do."

Lily watched as Peter left the Great Hall as well, moving much slower than either Sirius or James had. She sat by herself for a long time before she dug her mother's letter out and read the _it's just so disappointing_ 's and _I don't want this for my girls_ 's again, the page blurring but she felt somehow comforted by the pink stationary and her mum's careful handwriting--by the way that she said _I love you_ at the end. Lily thought again of Peter's words, _James will take care of it_ and somehow that comforted her, too. He would make sure everything was okay if Peter told him. She hoped he told him, but even if he didn't, it was easy to convince herself that it would still be okay.


	5. March 1977

"There's a path, right above the ridge," Sirius said, his voice low--seductive. "Only the centaurs use it now but there are ruins in the valley below. James thinks it's what's left of an ancient Wizarding community. That's where we'll go tonight."

"I won't remember," Remus said from where he sat against his pillows, steadfastly not looking at Sirius trying to look uninterested. Sirius knew he was. 

Remus straightened his leg and shifted, the furrow growing deeper on his brow as he frowned, and Sirius knelt on the edge of the mattress. He wanted to press his thumb just there, and moved his hand slowly, watching as Remus' eyes fluttered shut as Sirius got closer--only just nearly there when the door opened suddenly, rebounding against the wall and the noise startled them both. Remus' abandoned book fell to the floor from where it'd been precariously balanced on the edge of his bed. With that, the quiet around them broke as James and Peter tumbled into the room with all the grace as a herd of elephants. Remus made a grab for his roughly scribbled Advanced Runes essay before it fell, too, and on the way he pushed hard at Sirius' shoulder. Sirius huffed out his annoyance but sat back on his heels, knowing that Remus hated to be watched--to be seen, even by James and Peter.

It was James who stopped in the middle of the room, his hands on his hips, and eyed them both. "Is he bothering you, Moony?"

"Always."

Sirius flickered his eyes to James but he didn't move away from Remus, only just reached instead to straighten the collar of Remus' shirt, which had become trapped beneath his jumper. He was pleased enough when Remus unconsciously leaned into his hand slightly. The moon rising was only a few hours away and Remus had been jumpy all day. This was the first he'd been still and calm.

"James is just annoyed," he said to Remus in a mock whisper. "He got his antlers caught in the brush when we went out scouting earlier."

"Didn't," Remus said with a shaky smile, his first since they'd returned to the room after dinner. Sirius took it as an invitation to stretch out on his side, propped on his elbow, next to where Remus sat.

"Took him ages to shake himself loose."

"Wouldn't have taken nearly as long if the mutt had helped me," James called cheerfully from his side of the room.

"Would've been cheating." Sirius took the essay and set it safely aside, and then took up Remus' hand and tugged him down gently. Remus went to him, lying down to face Sirius, and Sirius grinned in triumph. It took little more than a soft touch to the back of his sweaty head to convince Remus to rest against Sirius, his clammy hands clutching a bit at Sirius' shirt. "Does your head hurt?"

"A little."

"More than a little. Close your eyes," Sirius whispered. "We've a few minutes yet before we have to leave."

"Can't sleep."

"You don't have to. Just rest. It'll be over soon." Sirius stroked his hand over Remus' hair, rubbing his neck and shoulders. Despite his protests, Remus' breathing evened out almost immediately.

"Hey Pete," Sirius said quietly when he was sure Remus wouldn't be disturbed. "When do you get out of detention tonight?"

"Nine. It's with Filch though." Peter tugged off his sweater, mussing his hair, and tossed it to the end of his bed.

"We'll be there, Sirius," James said.

"It was a stupid thing to do though, yeah? Detention on a full moon night."

"I didn't do it on purpose," Peter said, his voice going high and nasal as he spun on Sirius, his hands curled into fists at his side.

Sirius didn't look up from Remus though he heard James shush Peter. Sirius rather suspected Peter had done it on purpose, though he didn't say it out loud--didn't argue with him now. Peter had been acting strangely the last couple of weeks, though James said it was just because he was nervous. It'd been a long winter, too few pranks and too much studying, and they were all on edge. Sirius hated it. It reminded him too much of Grimmauld Place.

"I didn't," Peter said again but quieter this time, more to James than Sirius.

"It doesn't matter now. It's done and there's no helping it." James perched on Remus' bed and put his hand on Remus' shoulder. "You'll take the cloak, Sirius. We'll follow along behind with the map when Pete's out. Which, you'd best go, Pete, if you don't want to be late."

Sirius waited to speak again until the door closed behind Peter. "What's with him lately?"

"Nothing. Just the usual. He'd probably be better if he could get anywhere with Christine."

"Right." Sirius tried for a smirk to say he got the joke but didn't have the energy for it. Peter's attempts with Christine had got him nowhere despite months of trying but he wouldn't give up, not with her stringing him along though none of them had the heart to tell him. He wouldn't even look at another girl, though there was a fifth year Hufflepuff--Sirius couldn't think of her name--who was clearly keen. Still, catching James eyeing him, Sirius thought that maybe he should try--with the smirk, or at least some interest in a discussion of girls. It was just another thing he didn't have the energy for, he'd decided sometime after the holidays, especially when there was Remus to look after. 

"So, what are you going to do until you come out to meet us?" Sirius finally asked after the silence had stretched out a bit longer.

"The lovely Miss Evans has consented to study with me. She's almost convinced I'm not a complete idiot. I'd like to press my advantage."

"However small," Remus said.

"I thought you were sleeping," Sirius said.

Remus grunted, rolling away from him, and sat up. "I told you I couldn't."

"You two should go on anyway. You don't want Pomfrey to go spare. It's nearly a quarter after."

"Maybe you shouldn't come out tonight," Remus said, pushing past James as he stood up. Sirius watched as he had to steady himself with a hand to the bedpost but brushed away James' hand when James would reach for him.

"Don't be daft," Sirius said. "Why wouldn't we come?"

"I don't know. I have a bad feeling about it."

"You always have a bad feeling right before," Sirius said as he climbed off the bed and grabbed his cloak.

"Haven't. I don't want anything to go wrong, though, especially if Peter's afraid."

"He's not afraid," James said. 

Remus only just looked him until Sirius stepped between them, hooking his own cloak over Remus' shoulders. Remus didn't say anything--nobody said anything--until Sirius took Remus' worn cloak from his hands and tossed it onto the bed. "Don't argue," Sirius said as he poked a finger into Remus' chest. "It's snowing out there and mine's warmer. And Pete's not afraid."

"He's not," James repeated. "He's fine, and we'll be there."

"Come on, Moony. James'll sort Peter."

Remus nodded after a moment and followed Sirius from the room, through the portrait and to the infirmary. They didn't talk along the way, both distracted. Remus' face was pale and drawn, the muscle and bone pain he always suffered ahead of his transformation showing in his every step, but there was more, Sirius knew. He walked close, letting their hands and shoulders bump as they went along, and sat alongside Remus on the cot in Madame Pomfrey's office as they waited for her to finish up her tasks before taking Remus down to the Shack.

Sirius felt slightly guilty, as he always did, because he looked forward to the full moon nights, to playing with the wolf. He was more successful tonight than usual in not saying just that to Remus, only just keeping quiet and still until Remus finally slumped against Sirius' side and bowed his head. Sirius ran his fingers through Remus' hair, lifting it from his collar, and then began to massage his neck. He felt a bit of guilt that he enjoyed this, too, when it was so close to the transformation and Remus needed him.

"I miss my dad," Remus said after a while, interrupting Sirius' thoughts. His voice was low and sad, and Sirius stopped the motion of his hand though he kept it against the hot skin of Remus' neck. Remus hadn't mentioned his dad in months, not even to Sirius. "He always knew exactly what to say."

"What would he say now?"

"Not to be scared. That he'd be here as soon as the moon set." Remus sat up, dislodging Sirius' hand, and folded his arms over his chest. "That I wouldn't be alone."

"You won't be alone, Remus. I'll be there." 

"I wish I could remember. I mean, I wish it was me, you know? I mean, I don't but--"

"I know," Sirius said and his guilt redoubled. He ran his hand over Remus' back and then put a tight arm around his shoulder. "But when you wake up, I'll be there then."

Remus smiled then and it didn't even seem forced to Sirius. He felt that same urge he'd had that past summer when he'd kissed Remus, and could still remember how Remus had tasted of jam and wondered if maybe he still did--if he tasted like strawberries and summer and every good thing. Sirius thought he might and would have found out if Madame Pomfrey didn't surprise them both by coming at just that moment, calling out over her shoulder as she opened the door. "Have a seat, Mr. Snape. I'll be with you soon."

Sirius stood before she could turn and catch them, though they hadn't been doing anything, he had to remind himself. They had never talked about The Kiss, as Sirius thought of it, which to Sirius meant that Remus wished it had never happened. He mostly just tried to get by on being happy that it didn't seemed to have changed things between them. Remus needed him just as much as ever, needed Sirius more than anyone ever had before, and Sirius couldn't but feel gratitude at that little twist of fate--and more guilt because it was the lycanthropy and nothing more. He was glad Remus was a werewolf and only seemed to find comfort during the worst of it when Sirius was near. It was enough. At least, it had to be enough.

"We need to hurry, dear. I'm afraid time has completely escaped me," Madame Pomfrey said, pulling her watch from her pocket, a big, dull silver thing with a dent in the cover. "Nothing to worry over. Do stop biting your lips so. Mr. Black, you can go back to your dorm now."

Sirius put his hand on top of Remus' head, patting down where his curls stuck up, and then turned to leave quickly. Before he went more than a step, Remus grabbed his hand and gave his fingers a squeeze before dropping his hand, submitting quietly to a cursory inspection by Madame Pomfrey. Sirius closed the door behind him, nearly bumping into Severus on his way out.

"Lupin sick again?" Severus said, his sneer firmly in place. "Curious how well timed his illnesses seem."

"Are you here to do something about your nose? I've heard Madame Pomfrey has an uncommon knack for removing large growths." Sirius moved past Severus, taking care to knock into Severus' shoulder as he passed.

"Oh yes, your insults are terribly clever. Your mother must be terribly proud of you. Oh wait. Disowned you, hasn't she? Couldn't bear the sight of you, I've heard."

"At least I had one, unlike you. Spawned, were you, like some sniveling worm. What did your father fuck to produce something so unnatural--"

"Do not even mention _unnatural_ to me when I know what you do with that half-bred--"

Sirius turned and advanced so quickly that Severus had to take several stumbling steps back to avoid colliding with Sirius. Sirius only just followed him, jabbing his finger into Severus chest. "Don't you _dare_ even think about mentioning Remus."

"Talk about him? No one need say a word though plenty do. Your brother to start."

"Jealous then? You've always been too interested in him, following him about. We thought it was Evans now that her and James--"

"She wouldn't, not with that disgusting--"

"Oh but she would. Not that you care. Not really. Peter's seen you," Sirius said, warming to his topic now. Twin red spots flared on Severus cheeks and Sirius' anger burned brighter. "Showing up when he's at the library. Following him to the greenhouses or the Astronomy Tower when you've no class there yourself. You even spied on him when he came to watch our practice. I saw that myself. Not looking at the players, were you, but him, who you've no right to. No claim to friendship. No claim of any sort. And now here you are again."

"Oh this is rich coming from you, who follows him everywhere like a lovesick pup."

Sirius faltered for only a second, pushing away the thought that anyone could know how he felt, much less Severus Snape. "I'm his best friend. No mysteries here except your fear of personal hygiene."

"No mysteries? Oh, I think there's a very big mystery about why he's ill every month at just this time. I don't share your depravity, Black, but I intend to make sure everyone knows about you two though that will be just be icing on the cake." As if sensing that he's won some sort of point, Severus took a step closer, his contemptuous smile going nearly feral in his delight. "Exposing that a dark creature has been living amongst us, pretending to be a Wizard and taking a scholarship away from someone truly deserving--that will be justice. He'll be expelled and worse, and you along with him." 

Sirius didn't say anything--couldn't. He was too angry--too afraid. Severus had hit the truth with everything--about nearly everything--in a voice that sounded too much like Sirius' father. _Crushed beneath out boots,_ his father had said so long ago and yet it was all that Sirius could hear now. _No better than an animal._ His Remus, who was worth ten times more than any Wizard with the name Black. _His_ Remus. 

Sirius found himself shaking with fury, his wand in his hand with no memory of drawing it. Only Madame Pomfrey's sudden presence stopped him from using the dark magic he'd been taught since birth, to weave the spells that would have ended this once and for all.

"Sirius Black, lower your wand!" Madame Pomfrey boomed, and Sirius took several unsteady steps back. "This fighting has got to stop. This is an infirmary. Now go, or you won't be welcomed back any time soon, I can guarantee you that."

Sirius stared at Severus for another moment before he turned on his heels and stormed from the room. He made it to the end of the hall before he stopped, his palm flat on his chest. He couldn't remember ever being this furious and wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. Remus would be in the Shack, waiting for him, and Sirius wanted to go but couldn't bring himself to walk away so easily from Severus. He knew the other boy would be coming out soon, had no doubt that whatever complaint had earned him Pomfrey's attention was false. Not knowing what else to do, he drew the small mirror from his pocket and held it in front of his face.

"James Potter," he bit out

After a moment, James' face appeared. "I'm a bit busy, Sirius. Don't you have some place to be."

"It's Snivelous, that disgusting worm."

"What happened? Is Remus okay?"

"Remus has already gone," Sirius huffed, wanting James to know everything at once so that he didn't have to be angry alone but of course the stupid git was still only just looking at him with wide eyes. "Of course he's fine. I take care of him, James."

"I know. I know you do. Just tell me what happened."

"I can't. Not now. He'll be coming out soon."

"Who?"

"Snape, of course. I'm going to take care of him this time, James. He's not getting away with it."

"Not tonight, Sirius. You can't risk it tonight."

The infirmary door opened and Severus came out alone, just as Sirius had suspected he would. He looked up and down the hall as if making sure he was alone. When he spotted Sirius, his mouth twisted into something ugly.

"Sirius?" James called but Sirius didn't look at him. "Can you hear me? Sirius come on. Answer me."

"I've got to go, Jamie." Sirius clicked the mirror shut and slipped it back into his pocket, never breaking eye contact with Severus. When he turned and headed down the stairs, he knew that Severus would follow.


	6. April 1977

Sirius crumpled the Transfiguration essay he'd started an hour ago and tossed it into the fireplace, watching it crisp and curl into ash. He'd been sitting in the same place--the couch nearest the fire in the Gryffindor common room--since classes ended, waiting for Remus to come in. It was nearly dinner and he hadn't yet; neither had James or Peter. He both hoped they were all three off together doing marauderly things, and that they weren't because he hated the thought of being intentionally excluded.

It'd been like this for nearly three weeks, and Sirius was becoming convinced that nothing would ever be the same again. There was no Quidditch practice to distract him because he'd been kicked off the team for the rest of the year. No Hogsmeade weekends to look forward to because he was forbidden to leave the school grounds. He had one more week of nightly detentions to wade through (sometimes quite literally when McGonagall was in the mood) and he couldn't even bear to think of the number of house points he'd lost for Gryffindor. Dumbledore hadn't given him any punishment, trusting that Sirius' conscience would level the necessary chastisement. It was Professor McGonagall who hadn't agreed, and while Sirius better liked her way of punishing him because it had a clear beginning and end, he knew now what Dumbledore had meant.

All his favorite things had been taken from him, but the most important of them was Remus. Not that Remus was _gone_ \--he was still there, same as always, but Sirius couldn't touch him. Couldn't reach him. Everything had been taken away in one go, and it hadn't hurt nearly this bad when his mother had said she couldn't bear to look at him and would never have him near her again. Then he'd scoffed and laughed, taking his leave of Grimmauld Place confident in the knowledge that James would always stand by his side no matter what and that Remus needed him, even if no one else in the world did. Sirius didn't think he needed anything else, certainly not his mother's approval, his father's name, or his inheritance.

He'd known the instant the moon set that last time that he'd made a huge mistake in letting his temper get the best of him. They'd been alone--no Prongs or Wormtail to help Padfoot keep the wolf in check, and, having been denied his prey, Sirius spent a rough night alone with the werewolf in the Shrieking Shack. Once it was over, Sirius had barely enough time to transform and hide before Madame Pomfrey had come for Remus. Sirius'd gone straight back to the tower, looking for James, and James didn't let him get more than a few steps in before he was on top of Sirius asking what he'd done. He had carried the busted lip and black eye for a week. They were healed now (with time and not magic) but their fight replayed constantly in his head:  
 _"What did you do, Sirius? He was there. He knows about Remus."_

_"It was just a joke--a prank. I didn't think he'd listen to me."_

_"What did you tell him? Do you have any idea what you've done?"_

James had known Sirius was lying the moment he'd said it was a joke. Sirius had meant it, every word, because in that moment he had hated Severus and hadn't cared what would happen to him. He cared now, of course, but then he hadn't stopped to think what would have happened to Remus had Severus been hurt or worse, or what could have happened to James when he rushed to save them all.

Worse than remembering what James had said and done and thought were his memories of Remus later that day in the infirmary. Remus hadn't been told yet by the time Sirius was allowed to see him. Dumbledore had thought it important as a way of making Sirius take responsibility for his actions (like apologizing to Severus, which Sirius had so far refused to do), and Sirius had done so gladly, assuming that Remus would forgive him anything once he'd heard the explanation, but Sirius had found he had no words to explain what he'd done. In the end, Remus had turned his back on Sirius when he learned the reason why Sirius hadn't been there when Remus woke up like Sirius had promised, and Remus hadn't spoken to him since, or to hardly anyone else for that matter. He would have even spent his birthday alone if Sirius hadn't hunted him down where he'd hidden in a disused chamber near the north tower, and then asked Lily to go to him. She hated Sirius now, too, more than she usually did, though he couldn't believe that Remus would have told her the whole story, and James swore he hadn't either.

Of course, James had been the first to forgive, standing up with Sirius when he challenged Evan Rosier to a duel only just that past Saturday night behind the greenhouses. Dumbledore had sworn Severus to secrecy, but the Slytherins still sensed discord amongst the Marauders and sought to take advantage. But Remus wasn't eleven anymore and gave as good as he got without needing to ask James or Sirius for help. It earned Remus a round of detentions and McGonagall’s concern. When Remus still wouldn't say anything and the fights didn't abate, McGonagall called Sirius to her office. Over tea, shortbread, and a lengthy, stilted conversation, they came to an understanding and Sirius put an end to the Slytherin harassment, which led to the duel in the first place.

They'd both managed to avoid detention for that particular fight and the Slytherins had backed down, leaving Remus in peace and avoiding both James and Sirius after seeing what had happened (and what was rumored to have happened) to Rosier. It'd come as a surprise to Sirius when Remus hadn't been as happy with the outcome. He'd entertained too many fantasies about a relieved Remus coming to him (at night, always at night) and letting Sirius whisper his apologies against his skin, and Remus saying it was all right, that he understood. Of course, Remus was never going to understand, and he certainly wasn't going to let Sirius touch him ever again.

He was so mired in his own thoughts that he didn't notice when James came through the portrait and sat next to him on the couch. When Sirius finally did notice, James still didn't speak right away but seemed to be struggling a bit. He rubbed the lenses of his glasses with a fistful of his robe and then again before he sat back and crossed his arms over his chest, stewing over whatever thought had brought him to Sirius' side.

"McGonagall's made me prefect," James spit out when it seemed like he couldn't hold it back anymore.

Sirius started, his book, parchment and quill falling from his lap and onto the floor as he half stood. "She can't have. It wasn't Remus fault. She can't take that from him."

"She didn't. He gave it up." James glanced at Sirius and then away, troubled, and something in Sirius' chest twisted hard. "I don't get why you did it, Sirius."

Sirius didn't answer. He knew he had no words, so didn't speak, didn't move--couldn't. Remus often acted like it was the greatest burden in the world to have been made prefect, especially knowing that he was meant (and failed) to exert some sort of influence over his friends, but he had loved it--never abusing his privileges even when he couldn't quite say no to his friends. 

James waited for him to say something--anything--and when the silence still stretched out between them, he pushed his hands through his hair, making it stand on ends, and huffed out a breath. "Is it because you found out about Remus and Colin Edwards?"

"What? No!"

"I just meant--" James stopped and looked at Sirius again. Sirius suspected James was trying to suss out whether or not he was lying to him again. "Remus has always been different, and it's not unheard of for two blokes--two Wizards to--"

"Stop! He would have told me if he'd been with that swot. He told me everything."

"I know."

"Even it were true, which it's not--Remus would never be interested in someone like him, but even if it were--if he had been. I can't believe you would think it was because of that. That I would care." James said nothing, only just delicately raised his eyebrow. Sirius chose to ignore him. "I didn't do it to hurt Remus."

"Then explain it to me, and don't tell me that you didn't mean for it to happen. I know you better. I know it wasn't some joke that got out of hand."

Sirius abruptly stood and paced the length of the room. They weren't alone anymore but they'd been given wide berth, whether due their reputation or some rumor about what had happened Sirius didn't know. Didn't care. He retraced his path a second time before he stopped in front of the hearth, his hands on his hips and his head hung low. He stood there for many minutes thinking that maybe James had left him, and that maybe he deserved to be alone, until he felt James' hand on his shoulder.

"I didn't mean for it happen the way it did, James. You know I would never do anything on purpose to hurt Remus." Sirius' voice broke on Remus' name because he knew he had hurt Remus. He felt a rush of gratitude when James whispered _I know._ "He wouldn't leave Remus alone. You know how he is--always following our Moony. Never giving him a moment's peace. That night in the infirmary, I knew he _knew_. I didn't have to tell him anything because he already knew and he meant to expose Remus. I couldn't let him do that."

"You could have told me, Sirius. We could have figured it out together."

"I didn't think. I was so angry, I couldn't think. I just did it."

"Sirius--"

"And now Remus won't talk to me so that I can explain it to him."

"Maybe you should just give him some space."

"I don't want to."

"I've noticed, but maybe that's what he needs right now."

"I don't want him to hate me."

"He doesn't."

Sirius jerked his head up, relief flooding through him and making him feeling a bit weak on his feet. James bit his lip though, a sure sign that he was already regretting what he'd said. "Did he tell you that?"

"Not exactly."

"This is all my fault. He'll never forgive me."

"I'm sure he already has, even if he hasn't said it. He would, wouldn't he."

"That's worse though, isn't it. He'd forgive me anything, or I thought he would, which is exactly why I can't forgive myself." Sirius pulled away from James and collapsed back onto the couch, grabbing a tattered pillow and hugging it to his chest. "Tell me how to fix it, James."

"I'm trying. You won't listen to me."

"I can't just walk away from him."

"I didn't say that. It's not about giving up on him," James said as he sat back on the couch next to Sirius. "Just give him some time. He's clearly not in his right mind. No one is if they've allowed me to become prefect. Just give it time."

Sirius gave a dejected little nod, not convinced at all. He knew Remus better than anyone, knew that if he gave Remus space that an entire ocean would open up between them. Remus was too used to building barriers. James was right that things would seem to right themselves after a bit but Remus would never confide in Sirius again, would never let Sirius comfort him. Would never allow Sirius to touch him. It was already too much for Sirius to know he would never get another chance to kiss Remus, but to have nothing at all...

"James," Sirius started and stopped. Swallowed hard. Tossed the pillow down and started to worry a loose thread on his robe. He ordered his words and abandoned them again, blushing hard when James stared at him. He reminded himself of Gryffindor courage and the solemn swear he'd made to himself not to lie to James ever again (which had come along with the promise to never, ever again betray Remus and that's where his thoughts went dodgy). James sat up and mimicked his posture of elbows on knees, hands clasped, and nudged Sirius' shoulder with his own, and somewhere Sirius found the nerve to say what he'd swore most of all he'd never say to anyone else. "I love him."

"We all--"

"No, James. I'm _in_ love with him. Have been forever. You know what you were saying, about Remus being different? It's not him. It's me whose different."

"Merlin."

"I know."

"But you were with--"

"I know."

"Does Remus know?"

"I kissed him last summer."

"Oh. Oh, that's what he meant--"

"He told you?"

"No, not exactly. It was months ago. I thought. Never mind, it doesn't matter. Shit."

"You don't hate me?"

"Don't be stupid."

"Are you still sure he doesn't hate me?"

"Yeah." James stood and sat back down. "You have to tell him."

"No."

"You have to tell him."

"No, James. No. Could you imagine? Sorry I ruined your life, and oh, by the way. No. I only said I kissed him. He didn't kiss me back. At least not really--not. He's not keen. I don't know what this Colin Edwards business is all about--"

"Peter told me some Hufflepuffs saw them."

"Peter and Hufflepuffs. Great. Remus would have told me, James."

"Yeah, okay. But you have to talk to him."

"I know."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No. Yes. No. You can't tell him. You can't tell anyone."

"I wouldn't. I won't, but I could talk to Remus. He's still talking to me. I could tell him--"

"No."

At that moment Remus stumbled through the portrait, towering over a group of first years--the ones he tutored, and Sirius was thankful to see that he hadn't given that up, too. They smiled and waved at Remus, and Remus' lips twitched into something resembling a smile, though the first years never noticed that it was anything else as they went off to join the rest of their friends. Remus was nearly to the stairs that led to their room before he looked up. Their eyes met and two bright circles of pink blossomed on Remus' cheeks and he looked away quickly before Sirius could raise a hand or say anything but watched as Remus trudged up the stairs. Sirius could tell by the set of Remus' shoulders and how his footsteps seemed to slow a bit more on each tread that Remus was tired, exhausted. Sirius could read his shame and disappointment, his grief, as clearly as if he'd written it on his skin.

"He'll come around, Padfoot," James said, and Sirius tried very hard to believe him.


	7. Late April 1977

Lily pushed back her thick braid of hair from her shoulder and took a sidelong glance to where Remus walked beside her on their way up to the Gryffindor common room. It'd been weeks since whatever had happened between the marauders had happened. James wasn't talking, which was unusual for him, and he still refused to wear the prefect's badge that was suddenly and reluctantly his, only just holding it in his hand when forced to be seen with it. In fact, out of the four of them, only Peter seemed willing to talk, filling their meal times with a nervous chatter like the white noise between radio stations--Quidditch statistics, memorized bits of Transfiguration text and theory, stories about James--mostly about James, as if it were suddenly Peter's job to remind James about the minutiae of his life. Remus was just as suddenly either nowhere to be found or, if present at meals or classes, still and silent at a very sullen Sirius' side.

Of course, tonight Remus had been at Lily's side as a favor, though just as stiff and silent. She'd expected him to turn down her request to accompany her to Professor Slughorn's gathering. She hadn't even wanted to come. She dreaded the company of the Slug Club, the members of which nearly all intent to prove to Professor Slughorn just why one of them should be chosen to serve as his research assistant in the next year. Severus had been all but guaranteed the slot, everyone knew--or thought they knew--but there had been much excitement when it because known that he wouldn't be coming to the gathering and speculation ran wild about why.

With the field seeming to suddenly open up, Professor Slughorn expected to be fêted and hadn't been disappointed. Asking James to join her had seemed too much like playing into that, as if James was some sort of prize to be had--as if she would have been trying to impress. Besides, she could imagine his exact expression had she asked--he'd start with that infuriating know-it-all smirk that would slowly blossom into a bright grin that so many of the other girls swooned over. Not that Lily was totally immune to James' charms, especially since she'd finally figured out what some of them were, but she wasn't going to let him know that--his ruddy head was big enough, she thought, though she had to admit, if even only just to herself, that she kind of missed seeing his smile. 

Remus, she had decided, would be the perfect not-date as they were friends and so could talk--when he was willing to talk--but they wouldn't be talked about afterward. Better, he'd agreed with almost no pleading on her part, which she had been prepared to do. And now it was over, dinner and a discussion led by Slughorn that had only veered toward the awkward a couple of times--once with Slughorn questioning Remus as if it were the first time they'd met, and the second a strange little conversation with Regulus Black, who had practically crowed in triumphant every time he'd visible unsettled Remus or Lily with some pointed remark about pureblood politics. Remus had taken it all in stride, much better, in fact, than Lily had. Her slow burn had resulted in comments about her temper and her red hair, jests and jibs that had left her boiling over until Slughorn had finally broken up his little party and sent them all scurrying back to their rooms.

"It wasn't too terrible, was it?" Lily asked Remus, still prickling with embarrassment over her part of it. "I mean, you won't tell James about it, will you?"

"I think he'd find it funny. He'd admire you for standing up to Regulus like you did," Remus said, but his voice was flat--dull--and it maybe Lily frown as he continued on. "So would Sirius for that matter."

"Ugh. Promise me you won't tell either of them." When he didn't answer, a frown of his own twisting his lips, Lily linked her arm through his and tugged him into an alcove. She didn't like this new introspective Remus. She missed his rather dry sense of humor and the way he used to get so enthusiastic over their classes or the books he'd read. He hadn't done that in ages and she realized quite suddenly that she missed him, even though he was still right there, same as always. "You don't hate me for making you go, do you?"

"Of course not. It was fine."

"I know you hate that sort of thing."

"I didn't mind getting out of the room for a bit."

"Are you still fighting with Sirius?" She hadn't meant to ask, had quite resolved not to, actually, but the words tumbled out before she could stop herself. It had quite firmly become The Thing Nobody Talked About, even when nobody knew what the thing was. "I'm sorry. Just ignore me."

"It's all right. We're not fighting, not really. It's just complicated."

"I doubt things are ever easy when a Black is involved."

"He's not like his family, you know. I mean, he tries really hard not to be."

"Sometimes we can't help who we are, though. Like Regulus tonight. He was awful."

"And Sirius is nothing like him." It was the most animated Lily had seen Remus in weeks and she had to admire his ability to defend his friend when they'd clearly fallen out, even if she couldn't understand it, at least not when it came to Sirius. As if suddenly catching up to himself, Remus deflated a bit and crossed his arms over his chest. "Would you mind if I asked a favor?"

"I suppose I owe you one," Lily said.

"Don't tell James what Regulus said tonight. He'll tell Sirius and they've both been in enough trouble for me as it is."

"If you'd rather, though I wouldn't mind seeing Sirius give Regulus a go. He was completely out of line. You can't believe any of the things he's said."

"Not about the pureblood stuff, no. I don't even think he believes that rubbish. Not really. There just seems to be so much pressure on him."

"Don't tell me you feel sorry for him."

"I do, actually."

"I wouldn't waste too much time feeling sorry for either of the Black brothers," Lily said a little viciously, but she couldn't quite ignore the way Remus furrowed his brow and rushed to change the subject. "But what about the rumor of the dark creatures gathering in The Forbidden Forest. You don't believe that, do you?" Lily watched as Remus very carefully arranged his features into something terrible bland, terrible neutral, and she wished she hadn't brought that up either. She had known it was going to be a long night and wished now she had listened to Sirius when he'd cornered her earlier and asked her not to bring Remus along--to take him anywhere else if only it wasn't Slughorn's party. She thought Sirius was a complete pain in the arse but she couldn't deny he'd been right. "It's just that Sirius said--"

"Yes, well." Remus' lips twitched to the side in a way that Lily knew meant he was embarrassed for speaking sharply to her, for interrupting. He began to twist his fingers together, turning to face her more completely and to turn his back on the other students who were rushing to get back to the common room before curfew. "Sirius says a lot of things--too much sometimes, especially when his temper gets the better of him. He can't afford to get into another fight over me."

"Did he hurt you?" Lily asked quietly, willing to believe the worst about Sirius Black but Remus didn't answer. Instead, he seemed to be mulling over what she'd said as he slid his hands into the pockets of his robe. There was a sadness in his eyes that never seemed to leave him now, and Lily rushed in again, hating the silence. "I only meant-- If you wanted to talk about it, I'd listen. I mean, you trusted me before," she whispered, looking past him to make sure no one else could hear.

"I do trust you, Lily, but this is different."

"I can't imagine anything being a bigger secret than--" Lily stopped short of saying the word _werewolf_ but Remus' eyes still widened in fear. "Than what you told me on your birthday," she said instead. "I only meant that if you are Sirius are-- I mean, I thought maybe if you were--"

Remus remained quiet, watching her struggle with something akin to curiosity as she continued to stumble over her words until she finally stopped altogether. Since James had somehow managed to become more of a close friend than anything else over the last couple of months, she found herself in an odd position regarding Sirius. She'd meant it when she said she couldn't have pity for either of the Black brothers, and Sirius certainly wasn't her friend, but he wasn't quite the enemy she'd always thought him to be, especially since this whatever-it-was had happened between the boys and he began to seek her out when he thought that Remus needed something. She wondered now if Remus had any idea how many times Sirius had come to her to make sure Remus wasn't alone when it seemed that Remus particularly needed a friend. 

"Ignore me," she whispered. "It's just that you can tell me anything."

"I'm all right, really Lily. I'm--"

"Fine. Yes, I know." Lily covered her face with her hands and laughed nervously before she suddenly tossed her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "I bet you drive Black crazy telling him that, the arrogant toad. Whatever he did to you--"

"He didn't do anything. What happened was my fault."

"It can't have been. I won't believe that. Especially since I know that James is mad at him, too."

"Not anymore, and neither am I. I mean, I never was. It's just--"

"Complicated, I know. Just-- If you ever want to talk about it--about anything--I'm here. I mean, I'll listen."

"And not just because Sirius asks you to be."

"So you do know," Lily said as she held him out at arm's length. 

"He's not as subtle as he'd like to think."

"I suppose not. I think he means well," Lily admitted.

"As well as a Black can?"

"You have to admit he's a bit of a prat. I know he's your friend--"

"He's my best friend, Lily," Remus said quietly. He pulled away from her, and straightened his robes a bit, not meeting her eyes at all. She could see that his cuff was rather ragged, the repaired seam unraveling a bit as he picked at a thread as he struggled around some thought. It was a full minute before he looked up at her. "I'm not mad at him, and this whole thing really is my fault. I'm just not sure it's something that can be fixed."

"I'm sure it can. You know it kills me to say it but he really does care for you. I've seen it. Don't look at me like that. C'mon," she said as she tucked her arm into his again as they began to walk the rest of the way to the tower. "And I promise I won't tell James about anything that happened tonight but you know he'll find out and make things right. He always does, pain in the arse."

"I know," Remus said and Lily thought it might be the first time that night she'd seen him smile, and she couldn't help the strange rush of gratitude she suddenly felt towards James. Even when he wasn't there, he managed to make her feel better, and she really wasn't sure she was ready to face that discovery. She knew something gave her away when Remus' smile grew into a grin.

"Not another word, Remus Lupin. Now you have to promise to keep my secret, too."

"I will, Lily," Remus said as he laughed, and at the sound Lily wanted to hug him again even though she could hear six years worth of teasing behind it. She could at least tell James that she made Remus laugh and knew that Sirius might be grateful for that much at least, if he could be grateful to her for anything. Even if it didn't, she was already anticipating James' smile and knew that would be enough for her. And for once, she was okay with that.


	8. June 1977

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Remus didn't answer Peter right away. He suspected he knew the question and that he didn't have an answer, at least not one that Peter would like. Instead, he lengthened his strides to walk a bit faster, making Peter trot on the trail behind him. They were on their way to Hogsmeade, following a path through the forest because Remus was avoiding James and Sirius, though he'd sworn to Peter he wasn't when Peter had begun to follow him.

"Remus?"

Remus could hear Peter's steps falling flat footed on the path and his breathing becoming a little labored. He half expected him to turn back, knowing that Peter hadn't wanted to come with him at all but did so because, Remus assumed, James had asked him to.

"C'mon, Remus," Peter whinged. 

Remus stopped short, burying his hands deep into the pockets of his faded denims, and looked up at the tops of the trees and the blue sky beyond. It was warm, and this would likely be his last chance to come to Hogsmeade before the end of the school year, his last chance before he had to go home. He didn't want to leave Hogwarts, even though being with his friends had become oddly lonelier than being in the little house by the river without his father to fill up the empty spaces. 

"Did James tell you to follow me?" He asked Peter once Peter had caught up.

"No." Peter picked at the scab on his elbow, quiet until Remus quit tracking a hawk across the sky and looked back at him. "Yes."

"You can go back if you want. I won't tell."

"It's okay. I don't mind. We're almost there anyway."

Remus looked at Peter for another long minute, his eyes narrowed. In Remus' pocket were twelve silver sickles and fifteen bronze knuts, the last of his pocket money, and he meant to get enough parchment to last through summer, a small tin of biscuits to take to his mother, and then spend the rest at the tiny, used bookstore on the edge of town. He curled his hand around the coins, knowing that Peter would balk at the bookstore. 

"What did James want you to do?" He asked after another minute of silence between them.

"Just go with you. So you wouldn't be alone. He gave me money to get us some butterbeers."

Remus twisted his lips but didn't answer right away. He already suspected that either James or Sirius had slipped some extra sickles into his pocket--not enough for Remus to know for sure, and it annoyed him that he couldn't remember _precisely_ how much he'd had. He was also choosing to believe it had been James and not Sirius. He could handle James' careless charity but was unwilling to accept it from Sirius, especially since in the last couple of weeks, Sirius had become even more intent on making things up to Remus, despite Remus' protestations that there was nothing to make up. Sirius didn't understand--he never would. Neither would Peter, Remus thought a little viciously as Peter continued to start up at him. Not that Peter ever tried, and maybe that's what annoyed Remus more.

"I have enough on my own," Remus said as he clutched as his coins again and turned back to the path. "You can give him back my share."

Peter didn't answer, only just followed along again as they walked single file along the ridge to where they had to jump across a stagnant stream and scramble up a small ditch before coming up behind a row of ramshackled houses. Remus stopped short as he turned toward the alley behind the Hog's Head Inn and for a moment thought he spotted Sirius. He hated the little jump he felt in stomach at the sight of him and was relieved (or so he told himself) when he realized it wasn't Sirius at all but Regulus.

Regulus was pale, frightened, Remus would have said, as he clutched his wand in his fist though he seemed to have forgotten it. A great, hulking man was with him, and though Remus didn't recognize him, he felt sure he must know him from somewhere. For a second, Remus thought perhaps   
it was some seventh year, some part of an inter-house fight that he definitely wanted no part of, but just as he was going to turn away, something made him look closer. 

The man had his great, dirty hand curled around the lapel of Regulus' robe and was leaning into him, using his greater height against Regulus. Remus could see the man was older, his thick mat of hair graying, and his old, cheap black robes were stretched tight around his shoulders. He definitely wasn't a student.

"What's wrong?" Peter asked when he finally caught up to Remus.

"It's Regulus," Remus whispered. "I don't know who he's with though."

Peter stretched up onto his toes to see over Remus' shoulder, and drew in a sharp breath before he pressed his back against the wall. "We have to get out of here," he whispered, the panic clear in his voice.

"Who is it?"

"Fenrir Grayback," Peter hissed back, his eyes gone wide with fear.

Remus' hand flew to the old scar on his shoulder, massaging it through his clothes, but Peter didn't notice as he tripped over his words and feet, beginning to move back the way they'd come. "He's bad." Peter glanced at Remus and then away, becoming embarrassed as he always did now when Remus' lycanthropy was mentioned. "Not like you," he stuttered out as an afterthought.

Remus knew that Peter blamed him for the things that had happened that year, and it stung a bit to think that he'd underestimated Peter--that maybe Peter understood better than either James or Sirius just how dangerous Remus could be. He knew then that it wasn't embarrassment on Peter's face but fear and disgust, and not just for Grayback. Remus hunched his shoulders a bit as he stared at where Grayback and Regulus stood arguing, suddenly afraid of himself in a way he never had been before.

"My brother told me about him," Peter kept on, oblivious to Remus' discomfort. "He bites people on purpose, they say. He bites little kids."

"Yeah," Remus whispered. "I know."

Peter gasped as he finally seemed to realize that it could have been Grayback who bit Remus, and he grabbed Remus' arm, tugging him away. "We have to get out of here."

"We can't leave Regulus." Remus withdrew his wand with shaking fingers, unsure of what he meant to do.

"You can't face him by yourself!" Peter whispered, his voice barely above a wheeze.

Remus turned his head to look back over his shoulder and saw that Peter's pale, round face was suddenly beaded with sweat as he moved further away from Remus. Remus said nothing about Peter's _by yourself_. He understood Peter's fear now and hated it--hated himself, but he knew he couldn't leave Sirius' brother to face Grayback alone. Sirius would never forgive him.

"It's all right, Peter," Remus whispered back, trying to force his voice to sound more confident than he felt. "Run back to the castle--take the main road, it'll be quicker. You have to get Sirius."

Peter nodded once then took a stumbling step toward Remus, his hand outstretched as if he might try to dray Remus along with him before he turned tail and ran. Remus watched him go, feeling a bit as if he'd been hit with a jelly leg jinx. He wanted to follow, wanted to find some adult to tell but he knew it would be too late. He knew Grayback didn't always wait for a full moon to strike, and while that might mean that Regulus wouldn't be infected, Grayback could still hurt him or worse.

Remus rested his forehead against the cool, rough brick of the back of the Hog's Head Inn, gathering his courage, before he stepped around the corner and fully into the alley. For a moment, neither Regulus nor Grayback noticed him, and Remus watched as Grayback pushed a meaty finger into Regulus' chest, emphasizing some point that Remus couldn't hear. Remus forced his feet to move forward, and it was the sound of his heels crunching on the gravel that finally drew their attention.

"All right, Regulus?" Remus asked, hoping that he sounded calmer than he felt.

"Friend of yours, Black?" The man sneered, showing a rose of yellowed and sharpened teeth. Regulus inched away as far as he could, turning his face in disgust and fear.

"Let him go," Remus called as he raised his wand with a shaking hand.

"I don't think I will, pup. Young Master Black and me has business." Grayback narrowed his eyes at Remus, only just lifting his chin to sniff at the air between them. "Now there's a familiar scent."

Remus said nothing to Grayback though fear coiled in the pit of his stomach, and took care not to look at him. He only took another step closer, close enough to curl his fingers into the sleeve of Regulus' jacket. "Come on, Reggie," Remus said, using Sirius' old nickname for his brother, and Regulus blinked, looking for a moment like the eleven year old boy Remus had first met on the train to Hogwarts, and so much like Sirius that Remus forgot to be afraid. He tugged Regulus away more firmly, and heard Regulus' cloak tear as Grayback kept his hold, but Remus didn't let go.

"That ain't polite, is it?" Grayback stepped closer to Regulus, his golden eyes narrowed to slits as he kept them focused on Regulus' neck, licking at lips as if hungry. "I was sent with a message for the young Black, and I mean to give it to him."

"You can't have any business with a Hogwart's student," Remus said calmly.

"Can't I now?" Grayback spared a glance to Remus' wand before he turned back to Regulus, dismissing Remus completely. He pressed his gnarled thumbnail against Regulus' throat and Regulus gasped, his eyes closing. "And what would you know--"

Remus swung his arm up, leveling his wand at Grayback, shouting his _Stupefy_ before Grayback could finish his sentence. Grayback was lifted up and away by the force of the spell, smashing into the wall opposite him and falling into the dust and dirt. Remus grabbed Regulus by his arm and pushed him away. Grayback was on his hands and knees, shaking his head to clear it. He'd not been knocked out as Remus had hoped, but only just stunned. When he finally raised unsteadily to his feet, swaying a bit and digging his long nails into the mortar between the bricks for support, Remus pushed Regulus again, this time toward the end of the alley.

"Go back to the castle!" He yelled, pushing at Regulus again as he kept his wand pointed toward Grayback.

"He's a werewolf, Remus!" Regulus cried, frantically clutching at Remus' shoulder.

"I know what he is! I'll hold him back. You get out of here!"

Grayback rose fully to his feet, still shaking his head, but his eyes were on Remus now. Remus pushed Regulus for the last time toward the line of shacks and the woods beyond. "Go!" Remus shouted at him. "Go get Sirius!" At his brother's name, Regulus nodded his head and finally took off running as Grayback's laughter echoed through the alley behind him.

"Lupin," Grayback wheezed out once they were alone. He sniffed at the air between them again and laughed once more as he rubbed his chest where Remus' spell had hit. "Oh yes. I remember you. You were so small but how you screamed for that worthless father of yours. I remember that night well."

"You can't," Remus whispered. Stunned. "You can't know who I am. You can't remember me. The wolf takes over. Consciousness--"

Grayback began to laugh again, moving closer to where Remus stood. "They've told you that being a werewolf makes us animals. Sent you to this school and trained you to be like one of them. i would have taken you, raised you amongst your own kind, and then you would have been free."

"Education will grant me the freedom of thought and--"

"There's John Lupin. You sound just like him, fool that he was. Thought he could raise a werewolf cub to be a wizard."

"I am a wizard."

"You're at their mercy. They're the weak ones, pup. They cower in fear at the very thought of us." Lightening fast, Grayback grabbed Remus' shirt and pulled his collar aside to expose the bite he knew was there, the place where Remus had first been bitten, and Remus recoiled. "I created you. I made you strong."

"You made me a monster!"

"A monster!" Grayback roared, dropping Remus so quickly that Remus tottered and was swept aside to his hands and knees in the dirt when Grayback backhanded him. Remus could taste copper in his mouth and he raised his shaking fingers to his lip, saw that they came away bloody. "This is how they've twisted your thoughts," Grayback ranted as he paced the alley in front of Remus. "We deserve blood, boy. You only have to embrace your true nature."

"No." Remus struggled to his feet, pointing his wand at Grayback again but Grayback took no noticed as he continued to pace.

"You'll join me. Join us! One day we shall rise against the wizards, you'll see."

"Never!" 

Grayback abruptly stopped to stand in front of Remus, to press his broad chest against the tip of Remus' wand. "You will," he said, suddenly calm as that terrible smile stretched his mouth over his teeth so that Remus could see his canines sharpened to fangs. "I do remember you. Do you never remember any of your time as a wolf?"

Remus said nothing but he could--or thought he could--remember. Not before, not from when he'd transform alone, but now he had the strange memories that would come to him sometimes unbidden, as if they were part of a dream--of a stag, a rat, and particularly of a large, black dog with whom would run and play. Remus shook his head, sure that these couldn't be of the full moon nights--unwilling to remember seeing the moon heavy and bright against the field of stars, to feel the earth beneath his paws. To know his pack.

"You do," Grayback whispered. "I know, pup. I know because I remember you. I remember how you tasted and how you screamed. How you cried. I remember how good it felt, and I knew exactly what it would be like when John Lupin found you, no longer his son but mine."

"Stop it," Remus breathed out.

"One day you'll rise up and become what you were meant to be. Maybe this next moon, yeah? Maybe we'll hunt together. Maybe you'll see what it's like. How it can be."

Remus raised his wand again, trying to remember the words of the spell--any spell--that would stop the string of words coming from Grayback. He couldn't bear to hear them because he was seized with the fear that maybe he couldn't help what he would become. The things that he would one day do. _I am a wizard_ , he wanted to shout, and cut his wand in front of him, jabbing at Grayback.

"Remus!"

Remus jerked at the sound of James' voice, turning to see where he and Peter stood at the front of the alley where the Hog's Head faced the street. He saw the stream of bright blue light and knew that it hadn't come from his wand but James'. It was still enough. Grayback skittered away from him and this time when Remus shouted his spell, the blast of light was his own though it exploded harmlessly against the side of the building as Grayback ran toward the end of the alley and the wood beyond.

For what seemed like forever, Remus couldn't move, his wand still pointed at the place where Grayback had been, until James was at his side and forcing his hand down.

"Are you all right?" James asked, his face creased in worry. 

Peter stood behind James, his face bright red. He bent double at his waist, his hand braced on his knees as he gasped for breath. "Ran. All. The. Way."

"What were you thinking?" James yelled at Remus, pushing him against the wall, where Remus sagged, grateful for its support.

"Regulus."

"You should have come for us."

"I sent Peter. I couldn't leave Regulus on his own."

"And where is he now?"

"I told him to run for the castle. For Sirius."

"We didn't see him on the road," James said as he pushed his hand through his hair. "Sirius is here in Hogsmeade. He came with-- It doesn't matter. You risked your life for a Slytherin. He didn't give a thought about you."

"Sirius wouldn't have forgiven me."

"Bollocks. He'd have been furious if something happened to you."

"I can take care of myself."

"Obviously. You do such a bang up job. You do know you're bleeding."

Remus swiped at his mouth with the back of his shaking hand before he stowed his wand away and started to straighten his clothing. 

"We'll tell McGonagall," James said after a minute and Remus shook his head. "Fenrir Grayback's is this close to Hogswart and you think we're not going to tell."

"I knew they finally gave the prefect's badge to the right person."

"Fuck you, Remus," James said but without any power behind his words. He huffed out a breath and then grabbed Remus, pulling him in to press their foreheads together, squeezing Remus' neck before he let him go. James laughed, though there was no humor in it, and dug into his pocket for the two way mirror he shared with Sirius. "Fucking taking on Fenrir Grayback by yourself. Sirius is going to kill you."

Remus grabbed James' hand, covering the mirror. "Don't tell him. I don't need his protection."

"Nothing left to protect, is there?"

"I don't want him to go after Grayback. You know he will."

"And you don't think Regulus will tell him?"

"No, not if he hasn't already. Sirius would have been here if he had." 

"All right, so you don't want McGonagall to know and you don't want Sirius to know. Anyone else?"

Remus looked at Peter, including him, before he let go of James' hand and the mirror. "I don't want anyone to know. I just want to forget it ever happened."

"Right. We won't tell, but promise me you won't come out by yourself again. Not while he's out there," James said, waving his hand toward the forest. Remus looked down at his feet, giving James half a nod but didn't answer. It seemed enough, though, especially as James clapped him on the back and started to lead him and Peter back out to the proper streets of Hogsmeade. "We'll have to do something about your lip before Sirius sees you, though," James said, grinning at him. "Lily'll fix you up. If we can find her."


	9. June 1977

Sirius had been in the tiny storeroom behind the Potion classroom for an age, scrubbing cauldrons and glass phials--a favorite detention of Slughorn's, or at least Sirius assumed so since it wasn't even the first time that month that Sirius had had to do it. It was different when Sirius at least felt as though he'd done something to earn his punishment. He certainly hadn't replaced an acorn for the marionberry seed in Snape's cauldron earlier that day during class. James had long ago persuaded Sirius that the better part of valor was to pretend Snape didn't even exist since _the thing that had happened_ happened. Besides, how was it that the supposed Potions genius couldn't tell the difference between a seed and an acorn? Of course, that hadn't stopped Slughorn from demanding that Sirius and James turn out their pockets and found three more acorns between them. They'd both received detention for that night--a full moon night--and for the next two nights beyond.

Sirius lined up another set of phials onto a drying rack and set them back onto their shelf before he dug out the mirror from his pocket again, calling to James.

"He's done this on purpose," Sirius hissed as soon as James appeared. James looked only slightly less annoyed than Sirius felt; of course, James got to be up in the library doing research for Slughorn rather than being trapped in the dungeon for hours on end. Sirius' mood plummeted even further.

"Sluggie always makes you clean," James whispered back.

"I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about Remus." Sirius had had plenty of time to think about it. Remus was the most likely candidate for a prank that depended upon its perpetrator having obscure botanical knowledge and access to James and Sirius. If the switch had been clever enough that Snape hadn't recognized a change to his ingredients, then Sirius was positive it had to have been Remus. Peter would have never managed and who else would have bothered? "He set us up."

"He wouldn't have."

"He would. He did."

"C'mon Sirius. Why would he do that?"

"Why do you think?" Sirius scowled and looked away from the mirror. Ever since he had confessed to James what he felt for Remus, James had treated him to a round of pitying looks (though James swore he hadn't) and whispered encouragement for Sirius to tell Remus everything. "He didn't want us with him tonight. He's still mad at me."

"He says he's not."

"I know what he says," Sirius whispered, fighting to keep his voice even. "But he doesn't talk to me, not like he used to."

"He's not talking to any of us really. I think he just needs to work through this on his own. He'll be all right."

"Don't you dare tell me to be patient, not after the number of times you've asked Evans out this week alone."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Sirius could hear the tease in James voice and looked back into the mirror in time to see a smile disappearing from James' lips. Even Sirius had to admit that Lily was likely only still telling James no out of habit more than anything else by this point. It'd become a game between the two of them but Sirius was having a really hard time being happy for James when things were still such a mess with Remus. 

"I don't like this," he said more sharply than he meant, just for the short lived pleasure of watching James frown and bite at his lip. "He'll be alone."

"Peter'll be there."

"It's not the same." Sirius sat on the floor and leaned heavily against the row of shelves, making the phials above him clink delicately. He tipped his head back and blew his hair from his eyes before he looked back at the mirror. "He can't stop the wolf from tearing Remus up."

"He'll be there before and we'll be there after. Moony'll be fine."

The mirror suddenly went dark and Sirius hoped it meant that Slughorn had finally come to release James from detention. From the window set high into the stone wall, Sirius could see that it was already well past midnight and the moon had already been up for a couple of hours. The wolf would be prowling about the Shrieking Shack. It would be too late to join him--too late to help him. 

Sirius' anger well up hard in his chest. He was mad at himself for everything that had happened since the holidays, for how stupid he'd been. Remus said there was nothing to forgive but he wouldn't let things return to how they'd been--to how Sirius wanted them to be. That they might never wasn't something Sirius was ready to consider.

It was another quarter hour before Professor Slughorn made his way back down to the dungeon, James in tow, and another quarter hour after that before he let them go with a lecture still ringing in their ears. Sirius followed James back up to the Gryffindor common room, quiet until Sirius tugged on James' sleeve just as they got to their room. James stopped, sighed, and rested his forehead against the door as if preparing himself for a fight he knew he was going to lose.

"I want to go down to the Shack," Sirius said.

James turned and regarded Sirius with narrowed eyes, and the thought that James had a secret came to him suddenly. He watched as James took off his glasses and slowly cleaned the lenses with the tail of his shirt, buying time.

"We should wait until the moon sets. Without Peter, it'll be too dangerous to get past the Whomping Willow." 

"You did it before."

"I knew you were there with Moony and that I'd have a few seconds while you held him back. This is different."

"We can use the cloak," Sirius said. "You can prod the knot and I'll go through first as Padfoot. I want to be there."

"Sirius--"

"Please James. I _need_ to be there."

James didn't answer him, only just stared at him blearily for a moment before he nodded and put his glasses back on.

***

Peter didn't like being on his own and counted himself lucky that it rarely happened. He wished it hadn't happened that night--a full moon night. While James and Sirius were in detention, Peter had stayed in the common room for hours, playing gobstones with some of the younger Gryffindors until they'd gone to bed. Without the other marauders, he'd felt awkward with only just the sixth year girls and some of the seventh years who were friends of James and Sirius but not of Peter's. They hadn't wanted him, he knew, and after a while had decided to go to bed, too. 

Once he was alone in his room, however, he couldn't sleep, not without the sounds of the other boys. He even missed the weird too quiet void of Remus' silencing spells, which Remus used more often than not lately. Peter always wondered if Remus was crying himself to sleep when he did that, like he used to do in fifth year after his dad had died and he didn't want anyone to know. Peter couldn't work out what Remus had to cry about, if that's what he was doing, though James had told Peter not to talk about it anymore the one time Peter had made a joke about Remus wanking every night.

Of course, Peter wasn't allowed to joke about anything Remus did anymore--not the way he didn't like his food to touch on his plate, or the way he brushed his teeth for precisely three and a half minutes, or how he had a hole the size of a galleon in the shoulder of his favorite jumper. Peter was especially not allowed to tease Remus about that. It made Sirius angry. Of course, everything made Sirius mad. Peter literally trembled at the thought of what Sirius was going to say when they came back from detention and found him still in the room. It won't matter that Remus had told him not to go and for good reason, Peter thought, what with Grayback likely still out there. One werewolf was bad enough, no matter if that werewolf did let Peter copy his charms essay last week after Peter had forgotten to do his own. 

Peter's stomach twisted in fear when the doorknob rattled and James and Sirius tumbled into the room. James saw him first, his eyes going wide behind his glasses, and he stopped before he'd taken more than a step into the room, blocking Sirius. 

"What are you still doing here?" James asked.

Sirius pushed past him but stopped the moment James spoke. "You didn't go with him?"

"He told me to stay behind." 

"And you listened?" 

"I had too!" Peter hated the way his voice squeaked and broke, and hated even more the way he scurried until his back pressed against his headboard when Sirius raised his voice. James decided on punishments, Peter knew, and meted them out when they were warranted, mostly protecting Peter from the worst of Sirius' temper, but James wasn't paying attention to either of them as he dropped to dig through his chest.

"He's taken the map and my cloak."

"I told you he got us detention on purpose," Sirius spat out as he pushed his hands through his hair. He shot one more disgusted look in Peter's direction before he turned back to James, effectively excluding Peter. Peter bristled but said nothing. He was used to it.

"We'll just have to be careful," Sirius said. "If we take the passage behind--"

"You can't go out there." Peter crawled down from his bed, feeling stupid in his pajama bottoms that were slightly too short and tight now since his mum gave them to him last summer. He tugged at his t shirt, side stepping around Sirius so that he could talk to James. James would understand. "You know it's not safe."

"Peter's right, Sirius. It's too dangerous." James let the lid to his trunk snap shut and sat on it. He rubbed his hands over his face, knocking his glasses up and straightened them before he looked back at Sirius. "We'll have to wait until the moon sets."

"I'm not waiting." 

Sirius was nearly to the door before James caught him, and Peter eased back to stand at the foot of his bed to watch them. "He'll be all right."

"I promised him."

"You've broken your promise to him before."

"Fuck off, James." Sirius shook off James' restraining hand and headed toward the door again. 

Peter took a step forward, the flagstones cold on his bare feet, and looked hard at James, to see what he would do. James ran his hand over his messy hair again, making it stick up worse in the back as he cursed under his breath. Peter knew that James would follow if Sirius left, and Peter couldn't let that happen. "You can't go, Sirius. It's not just about Remus."

"Shut it, Peter," James warned. He had already grabbed both their thick cloaks from the hook near the door and shoved Sirius' into his hands. 

"No, let him talk. What do you mean, Wormtail?"

"When we were in Hogsmeade--"

"Don't Peter!"

"No, James. He'll go out there if we don't tell him, and I can't let you go with him. You'll end up dead or worse. You'll end up like Remus. He didn't want you to go. He didn't want any of us to go."

"Why? What happened in Hogsmeade?"

"Regulus was meeting with Fenrir Grayback. He's a death eater, your brother. I mean I think he is. I think I saw the dark mark on his arm."

"He can't have," Sirius said, but quietly, flickering his eyes to James as if for comfirmation. Peter knew that Sirius had heard the rumors about his brother, about the Slytherins and the things they were involved in. He knew that Sirius had been approached as well, that it was one of the reasons he had left his family.

"I owled my brother and he told me what it meant. That day in Hogsmeade, the last time we went. You couldn't go because you're still in trouble and James made me follow Remus. Remus had gone through the woods and I followed him and when we got to the Hog's Head Inn we saw your brother with Grayback."

"You never told me," Sirius said but he was looking at James--talking to James. "Tell me what happened."

James put his hands on his hips and looked down at his feet but said nothing so Peter continued on. "I didn't see everything that happened because Remus told me to go back and get--" Peter paused, looking from Sirius to James. "He told me to get help. When we came back, me and James, Remus was fighting with Grayback. I mean talking to him, right, but they'd been fighting because Remus had a busted lip. Lily fixed it later."

"And you didn't think to tell me about this, James."

"He asked us not to tell anyone," James said. "He didn't want you to know."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Sirius exploded and he pushed James with both hands against James' shoulder, making him stumble back a couple of steps but James didn't come back at him. 

"I promised him, Sirius," James said, finally looking at Sirius before he spared a glance toward Peter. "We both did."

"What do you think he's doing out there? Why do you think he got us into trouble? You don't have any idea how much he hates Grayback. How he blames him for his father's death and for everything that's happened in his life. Of course he didn't want me there. He knew I'd stop him. He's not himself. You should have told me, James." 

Sirius was pacing the room, his hands clenched into fists as he yelled at James. James only just stood there and took it, his mouth drawn into a resolute line. Peter knew that James would have never told Remus' secret, not even to Sirius, and that he would have gone with Sirius tonight to try to protect him. Peter thought that maybe just this once he was in the right. If Remus wanted to risk his own life that was one thing and Peter wouldn't stop him, but this was different. It didn't stop Peter from staggering back when Sirius suddenly turned on him, pointing his finger at Peter's chest as Sirius charged toward him.

"You should have stopped him," Sirius bit out. James grabbed Sirius' arm before he could get too close and scuffled with him until Sirius pulled away. "You should have gone with him. He wouldn't have taken a chance if you'd been there like you were supposed to be."

"He told me not to come," Peter whinged, clasping his hands in front of him and wringing them together. 

"It's too late to help him now, Sirius," James said. He placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder and tugged him back a bit, away from Peter. "Without the cloak or the map, anything could happen. We should wait."

Sirius shook his head, and shook off James' hand. He pushed past them both, leaving their room and James followed. For a minutes Peter debated about whether or not he should follow before he stuffed on his jeans and ran after James, unwilling to be left behind. His hands shook and his legs felt like jelly but he was sure that James wouldn't let anything happen. He had to believe that.

***

The moon was beginning its descent by the time they'd found Moony nearer Hogwarts grounds than they'd expected. The dog and the stag guided the wolf back, nosing him along through the underbrush and not allowing him to turn back to go deeper into the forest, back toward where they could hear other wolves howling in the distance. The wolf was limping, a gash in his hind leg and along his withers making it difficult to walk, and Padfoot whimpered, sidling alongside the wolf every so often to lick and nuzzle at his ruff. The wolf snapped and growled but didn't attack, let himself be led through the passage in the tree and toward the Shrieking Shack. There they waited until the moon set fully and the wolf began the tortuous transformation back into Remus.

Padfoot watched, mindful of how dangerous Remus could be even when he looked like a boy rather than his wolf form. He had to wait until he could see _Remus_ in his eyes, to know that it was him, that Remus knew who he was. The transformation was difficult, though, and took longer than it should have, and when it was finished and Sirius was himself as well, he could see that the damage to Remus was extensive. Sirius swallowed back his anger and fear, and hunched over Remus, trying to stem the worst of the bleeding. 

"We have to get help," Sirius called out the moment he heard James and Peter running up behind him. 

"We can't," Peter whispered and Sirius turned to see that Peter was clinging to James' arm, his eyes wild with fear. "They'll know what we've done." 

"I don't care!" Sirius roared. "He'll die if he doesn't get help." 

"Peter's right." James knelt in the dirt next to Sirius. "It's not just us. We have to protect Remus. The Ministry would take him if they found out." 

"At least he'd be alive." 

"There's no guarantee of that. Let's just get him upstairs, Sirius. Peter'll go back to the castle and make sure Pomfrey is awake." James looked over his shoulder and nodded at Peter, who took off at a run. "She'll come Sirius." 

"We have to help him now."

"C'mon. Upstairs. She can't find him here."

James helped Sirius carry Remus up the stairs and settle him on the dusty wooden planks that made up the floor of the Shrieking Shack. Sirius smoothed his hand over Remus hair and then pressed his palm against the wound on Remus' neck. He barely registered the words of James' healing spell, only just noting that the bleeding didn't stop and that Remus looked gray and pale beneath the slashes that marred his face.

"It's not working," James whispered, still pointing his wand at Remus' chest.

"They're magical wounds. He needs help. You have to help him, James."

"I'm trying, Sirius."

"She's not coming."

"She'll be here."

"Not in time." Sirius heard his voice catch and he rocked back onto his heels, rubbing his hands on his thighs. He listened as Remus' breath rattled in his chest, each a struggle, and he leaned forward again to cup Remus' head between his hands, to press his lips against Remus' forehead. "He's dying, Jamie." 

"No! We're not letting him die!" 

James pushed Sirius out of his way and tried the healing spell again. Neither of them had paid close enough attention on the rare occasions when healing magic was taught. They could treat scratches and bruises but nothing like this. Sirius climbed unsteadily to his feet and again rubbed his sticky and wet hands on his jeans, watching carefully as James tried again and again to help Remus. At the edges of his mind, he just barely remembered a spell he had once read. Something that would maybe give them some time until Madame Pomfrey could come. He knew he had to try.

Sirius drew out his wand with shaky fingers and drew a pentacle in the dust. He pushed James aside and gingerly picked Remus up, laying him in the middle. James stood, reaching for Sirius but Sirius brushed away his hand. He had to do this before it was too late.

Sirius yanked his shirt over his head and straddled Remus' chest, all the while remembering back to that summer when he was fourteen. All those long, lonely days, his parents had left him to entertain himself, his father at his club and his mother gone to visit relatives with Regulus. It had been hot in Grimmauld Place, the cooling charms long worn off once the sun was at its zenith. Sirius had cracked a window in the library and sprawled on the floor beneath, making do with the dust motes playing in the sun and his own fantasies. He had one book of his own that Remus had loaned him before they'd left for the year--a set of short stories written by an American author. He didn't dare take it out of his room. He read it late at night with the light from his wand. He had wanted it then but if his mother should find it... He began reading his father's books instead, morbidly attracted to the dark magic and even darker thought and intention behind it all. 

Sirius had never told James or Remus about the things he'd read, and didn't stop now to explain what he did as he clutched his wand in one hand and his knife in the other. He squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled to remember all of the words of the spell. A few minutes later he was chanting in Latin before he nicked the palms of both his hands and made a small "X" over his heart.

"What are you doing?" James breathed out but he didn't come any closer.

Sirius ignored him, and didn't stop his chant. He dropped his wand and took up first one of Remus' hands and then the other, nicking them both, before he carved a small "X" with the knife over Remus' heart, the spell nearly complete. The room diminished for Sirius, his vision narrowing to only Remus before him as he continued to chant. He gently tipped Remus' head back, a deep rattling coming from his lungs, and Sirius faltered for just a second before he used his knife to slice open his palm and then dropped it onto the floor. He didn't feel the pain--he didn't feel anything, could only hear Remus and know that death was so close. He made a fist and touched his wand to the back of his hand before dropping it, too. He used his free hand to caress Remus' cheek, to open Remus' mouth, before he squeezed his shaking hand and let the first drop of his blood hang against his skin, shimmering silver before dropping against Remus' cheek, missing his mouth. Sirius gasped and leaned closer still, holding his hand nearly to Remus' lips this time, squeezing out another drop that fell into Remus' mouth. Remus glowed faintly before fading and Sirius forced another drop from his hand, feeling diminished somehow--weakened, _faded_ \--as Remus glowed again with the strange silver light.

At the third drop, James pulled Sirius away--to his feet and out of the pentacle, breaking the spell. Sirius teetered in the circle of James' arms and they both watched Remus as he seemed to breathe easier, the bleeding slowed. Beneath them, they could hear footsteps approaching the trap door leading to the shack. James moved quickly, using his wand to erase the pentacle and their footsteps, grabbing Sirius' wand and knife before he gathered up Sirius, and hid them in a cupboard. 

Madame Pomfrey rushed into the room, immediately kneeling over Remus and setting to work. James kept his arms around Sirius, holding him up and steady until the nurse maneuvered Remus out on a conjured stretcher. When they were finally alone, James let Sirius sink to the floor and he pushed open the door and stumbled out. Sirius crawled on his hands and knees to where Remus had lain, where his blood still stained the floor. 

"What did you do, Sirius?" James asked when he came back into the room, clutching his cloak and the map.

"I saved his life."

"But what did you _do_?"

"It was a kind of resurrection spell. I gave him two years off the balance of my life. I thought it was rubbish when I read it. I thought there would be no way it could work but I remembered it." Sirius looked up at James and gave him a bleak smile. "I thought it sounded like poetry, so I memorized it."

"That was dark magic, Sirius." James took off his glasses and wiped the lenses with a fistful of his cloak before he knelt next to Sirius. "You could have died. You both could have died."

"We didn't."

" _Two years_ , Sirius."

"Three. I think the first still counts though I wasted it."

"You couldn't have known when--"

"But I know he's alive. I know he'll be alive for at least the next two years. That's all that matters."

"It isn't, Sirius. You've no idea what you've done. What if something had gone wrong?"

"Tell me you wouldn't have done the same for me, Jamie." Sirius clutched at James' robes, trying to make him understand. "Tell me you wouldn't have done that for Remus if you'd known how."


End file.
